I mean it is a good sign, that she's still open to intimate moments with you. Just don't attach a bunch of expectations to it and pressure her for a relationship. She'll let you know if/ when she's ready for that.
Definitely! I take encouragement from these moments, as they do show the door is still open on her side too, to some degree. These moments have always happened after I've prayed for a respite, which shows me God is working on things too. I think of each one as an oasis on this long, hard journey. It really is like having a rest, when my W's attitude becomes so much sunnier and more favourable towards me. One of the afternoons we had a lovely long cuddle and W fell asleep in my arms for ages (until D13 rang on every phone wondering why I was taking so long at the other house!) I read of someone else's journey here on the forums, where the WW said the OM had ED issues or some such, and had the attitude "Come and give me what you're good at." It's definitely more than just "I need you in bed, now get lost", but I'm certainly not running around arranging marriage renewal vows or anything!
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
The last thing you want to do is pressure or pursue her though.
I think I've been doing okay lately. When we had the good patch a couple of weeks ago, I did say that I'd love to take her out to dinner. W replied with a smile, "You would ask me when all the restaurants are shut, wouldn't you?" or something jokey like that. We both chuckled a bit and that was that.
D13 has her birthday soon so I've had to be in touch to discuss that. I think W was nonplussed that D13 wants to have her birthday here at home, and not the other house where W is. I'm not sure she understands how much S15 and D13 are hurting over this situation (and how much they dislike the other place). They both tell me how they feel, but when I ask "Have you told your Mum this?", they always say "No." I don't want them to miss out on seeing W, or W to miss out on seeing them but I feel like I'm taking the other side when I have to get them to go over and they say "Do we have to go?" and "I don't want to be there" etc. A couple of times I've told D13 she has to go so she can see W, and D13 says "But I saw her on Facetime!"
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Just keep up with your DB'ing. Do you know the feeding-the-squirrel analogy?
No, please fill me in!
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Originally Posted by JoeDredd
it seems to me to be the real her coming out when when she is warm and loving like this. But W says the real her is the cold one that wants nothing to do with me.
They are both the real her. Just accept that and understand that you don't only get one or the other!
That's actually a very encouraging thought. Thank you.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Originally Posted by JoeDredd
She didn't greet me when we arrived. I leant forward to give her a kiss and she said "Let's not go there."
Let HER do the pursuing. You play it cool. ALWAYS.
It's always hard to tell when these oasis breaks end. W never says "By the way, it's all flipped back again." During these times she's always receptive to kisses, so I greet her that way each day to test what her mood is (just leaning in; I'm not lunging at her or seizing her in a passionate embrace or anything). She either meets me the rest of the way, or lets me know she's no longer receptive. As soon as I know that line is back, I don't cross it.
