T ~ The fact your W recognizes her resentment is encouraging.
Buying gifts, complimenting her, doing laundry - she will likely see all of those things as calculated actions trying to win her back. In these situations they always backfire and have the opposite effect of what is intended. Every newbie here will think it's not true, and they are always proven wrong.
Be prepared to hear criticisms and "reasons" from your W. Addressing her complaints is not your job. Your job is to validate her complaints, when she chooses to raise them. Otherwise, no R talks, no love notes, keep that PMA.
The single best thing you can do is work on detachment and your depression. These things go hand in hand -- work on feeling good about yourself. You have no idea how your MR will unfold from here on out. Be prepared for any outcome.
You aren't going to fix this with words or calculated actions like buying gifts or writing love notes. What might fix this is consistent change in your thoughts, beliefs and attitudes, which will manifest in behavioral changes that your W may or may not notice.
BTW your PMA about IC is fantastic. Keep feeding that PMA. I've gone for several years, on and off. Sometimes it ebbs and flows, there are times I feel like I'm getting less out of it. It may happen with you too. Don't give up on self-improvement.
