A little lost - possible MFC wife

[Believe6]

T- even if you don't think her MLC is as bad as you thought, and BTW, I don't think my H's is as well, you will go for a roller coaster ride. The conversations about the R may come up and you feel like you can work with that and start showing/talking about how you are changing. But even if it's only mild MLC, they will often go back into the tunnel/fog and may not remember what you said or even change their mind in how they are interpreting their feelings.

This is why detachment is so very important. Please read and re-read all the info connected to the links. I've been doing that since I joined. I was actually lurking here for a couple of weeks before I signed up. I wish I would have had the courage to do it sooner.

I don't think my situation is too late, but it was close. Mine is also "confused" and doesn't know if he wants to stay married. I definitely got the ILYBNILWY speech and I don't want/have passion for you anymore. I know he thinks that. And right now, that is true for him. I think he's in limmerence with the OW, but I am not going to argue about what I believe is just hidden behind his angst and pain.

Right now, what he feels is true for him. What your W feels is true for her. She is confused and the more you push, the more it feels you really don't respect and love her. Both are critical for our spouses' during their journey. If her friends or others are telling her she deserves respect and her feelings matter, but it seems like you aren't allowing or giving her either by doing 'push/pull' behaviors, then you are sunk.

So please do what others are saying and as much as possible, work on you. When you feel like you are going to explode, when you feel lonely, afraid, angry, etc.... come here and vent. Even if you don't get an answer right away, go to other people's postings and read responses. Learn from what others are doing well and where they too are stumbling.

It won't be easy. This is a long process. I am not a patient person, but that is definitely a quality I want and need to have. Not only for my own journey, but for my H who is a more thoughtful, methodical person. My speed has been part of the problem. I need things now and I couldn't wait. I am showing him I can and will. That I am worth it, he is worth it, the M is worth it... our family is worth it.

Slow and steady does win the race. And above all, if you are standing, you must find a way to forgive everything... over and over and over... yourself, her, anyone else involved who may seem like they are sabotaging the relationship.

There is no guarantee what will happen with our M. But if we stand and believe, we must act as if... become the person no fool would want to leave.

Blessings!