Happy belated birthday, Believe! I'm sorry it was a hard day, but it also sounds like it was a triumphant day, because you were able to grieve, receive and appreciate love from your D and friends and family, and from yourself. By going for a drive, you were listening to what you needed, and you gave that gift to yourself. To me, that's a wonderful thing.
Originally Posted by Believe6
But yet, I know I was being selfish. I wanted more. Here God is sending me so much love, attention and affection from family and friends and I am mourning the lack from my H.
From my point of view, I don't think you were being selfish at all. It is natural to want love and affection from your H, and natural to mourn it when it's not there, especially on a day that is so different from past birthdays. It is lonely and hard some days. You aren't alone, but it can feel lonely. You can wish for more and very much be grateful for the abundance of love you do have, and turn that love outward in return--to D, family, friends, and even H, whether or not he can return it right now.
You are full of love and kindness, Believe. Celebrate yourself. Take the time for yourself that you need. Take more drives if you can and feel the urge.
