Intellectually I know what's going on. I have this internalized toxic shame stemming from my childhood (CEN) combined with NGS. I "default" to assuming things are my fault. I doubt my decisions. It's really easy for me to feel like maybe I should just be an every-other-weekend Dad, maybe I'm not good enough or capable, maybe my kids really would be better off.
I realize this is the negativity and internalized shame talking. I can keep living that way, and make myself miserable, or fight through it.
I can overcome these feelings with effort, I just wish I would learn to "default" to a healthier position from the get-go.
