Just remember who you are in all this. Keep working on being true to you. React from your values and not your feelings and it will all work out.
I am trying more and more to take deep breaths when I am feeling especially triggered and remind myself of my values--- love, compassion, understanding, strength, courage, hope, faith, empathy, non-judgement, etc.!
Thx so much for the support B6 - your words absolutely help. From a “someone who gets it” stand point, and as always a reminder for us in this high emotional time. As my name implies, I want to be as kind and compassionate as I can be throughout this. Thank you.
Originally Posted by DnJ
When one approaches a conversation looking to understand first, then do (response, solve, whatever) - we inject that necessary time and collaborative mindset to find a win-win outcome. Of course, this works much better with two rational people, but hey you got H, and he is where he is, emotional and irrational. By the way, during confrontational conversations, and difficult conversations like performance management and disciplinary action, there is a lot of irrational emotions going about too.
Yes, the irrational side of things caused by emotions is where it gets tricky (I’ve dealt with this in my professional life as well and you are correct). The other thing at play for me here is the confusing feelings of detaching but still obviously caring about this person and knowing that they are not “well” but don’t know it themselves. I detach, I focus on myself, I repeatedly tell myself I’ve been fired and this is what he wants and that I’m not the cause of this...but even as it comes to the business side of things I feel my emotional mind attempting to take over. For example ~ I just recently made a big move to protect myself financially that I know is going to affect his “plan”...instead of being fine with my ‘business decision’, I’m worried that he is going to get himself into a financial mess by borrowing or doing something silly to get extra funds to facilitate his running behaviour. How does one detach from the “he’s going to mess himself up bad worry”? We’ve worked so hard to get to where we are and I can’t believe how bad he’s jeopardizing us and HIMSELF. I’m struggling with putting these thoughts to rest. I know I must.
Originally Posted by Kindly
This is a great skill to add to ones arsenal
Originally Posted by DnJ
A skill of understanding and getting to people’s underlying reasons is powerful, and can be used as a weapon. Don’t.
I know you just meant this as an expression. However, your mind is listening. Arsenal weaponizes this. Use toolbox, repertoire, abilities, skill set, etc. All those little things accumulate.
I bet you see this differently from just that one little word change.
This is a great skill to add to ones toolbox.
Great point! It’s like having a headache and saying “my head is killing me”. I did just mean it as an expression as you pointed out, however your point is very valid ...the mind is listening! And yes it’s amazing how one word change makes all the difference. When we get caught up in just responding instead of understanding it becomes quite easy to fling the wrong words out into the universe. I’ve definitely been guilty of this...choosing speed of response/reply over accuracy Of choosing the right words sometimes.
Originally Posted by DnJ
I think you did a fine job on your conversation. I am running late and leaving for work right now, I could, if you want, give a few ideas of what I see from your conversation. Don’t worry, it’s not too critical - and hindsight is always 20/20.
I would love that when you have time Dnj ~ your support and insight is invaluable to me! Thank you.
Thanks for the thumbs up on the last bit of my convo I appreciate that in a time when there has been such a lack of conversation Between H and I that it is easy to replay things a million times and wonder if you ‘done good’?! Lol!! I was hoping I set a good boundary there. Thank you.
Despite the wonderful sun it’s cold out there today. I will still get out for a bit.
