There will be this wonderful reconciliation and happily ever after
The reality it is another roller coaster with different twists and turns
This ^^^^^^ describes what I sense in many newcomers.
Whenever a board member shares a positive step in their WS, you'll see several newcomers (usually) passing out cigars and giving congratulations. Congratulations may be a bit premature in some cases. I'm not trying to bring anyone down, but it's not over. I agree with the quote above, and I do think many LBS think once the WS comes back, the deal is sealed. Maybe I look like an old stick in the mud, but from what I've experienced & witnessed throughout the years.......reconciliation and piecing the M back together, is the hardest work the couple will have. Remember, it's not just her work or your work. Both spouses have to put in the work.
BluWave and I worked on a thread about reconciling & piecing, if you'd like to read it. Although I numbered things, it was just to make the reading easier.
Do I let her move back in? My IC said I should wait to make sure we both still want this but how to you work in MR living apart?
What "part" of the relationship can you work on while living apart? Your IC can probably offer more, but I think you can work on communication. Start spending short time visiting, and gradually extend it from an hour or two.......to a day, etc. It's easy for a recovering WW to feel a bit smothered at first. So, a gradual build up to moving back, would be my advice.
I doubt that all her anger has left. With counseling, hopefully, she will heal from all her resentment, disrespect, and other negative feelings that has eaten away at her heart. Again, I think most problems in a MR could be resolved if the couple could communicate their feelings.
I know you both are probably anxious for her to come back home, but I encourage to give it some time. She may not hold out two days, before she changes her mind. As painful as that is........coming back and being under the same roof would be more so, IMHO. Withdrawals are going to be tough, and she's going to be very moody.
As I said, there are many things listed in the thread regarding reconciliation/piecing, but one thing I want to mention here is about the sleeping arrangements. Before she actually moves back home, there needs to be a clear understanding that both of you will sleeping in the marital bedroom. If she won't agree, then she's not ready. Don't let her start out sleeping in a separate bedroom. Another thing LBS's want to push is sex, but my advice is to have time for some emotional healing before initiating sex. I'm not talking about months.......but maybe, weeks. It depends if the couple had been suffering from a SSM previously. I can talk more about this, if there's questions. IMHO, it's better to let her get use to your non-sexual touches, before diving right in for sex.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Congratulations may be a bit premature in some cases. I'm not trying to bring anyone down, but it's not over. I agree with the quote above, and I do think many LBS think once the WS comes back, the deal is sealed. Maybe I look like an old stick in the mud, but from what I've experienced & witnessed throughout the years.......reconciliation and piecing the M back together, is the hardest work the couple will have. Remember, it's not just her work or your work. Both spouses have to put in the work.