Trying to salvage the situation

[SteveLW]

BeChange, almost all LBSs struggle with what you are talking about. After all, it is instinctual to go into pursuit mode. After all, pursuing is how we got together with our spouse to begin with, so it seems natural that to get back together with them we need to pursue again.

The problem is that there is a huge difference between meeting someone new and wooing them, and trying to reconcile with someone that you have years of history with. Especially since the WAS has told the LBS "I want less of you". And while it is instinctual to give them more of you, it is the wrong thing to do and will push them away even faster.

You should be weighing every temptation you have related to her right now against whether or not it is pursuit and pressure. If it is pursuit and pressure (hint: almost everything you might be tempted to do in reaching towards her IS pursuit and pressure) then you shouldn't do it. Pressure and pursuit will almost always result in negative outcomes. So if your choice is between doing something or doing nothing, your default should be doing nothing. Limbo is extremely uncomfortable and awkward, especially in an in house separation. In my sitch, my W and I still slept in the same bed. Nothing more uncomfortable than being in that tight of quarters with someone that has said that they want out of the relationship.

So I get it. Most of the posters here can relate. But your instincts on doing things that are pressure and pursuit will harm your chances at eventual reconciliation, not help them. Your WAW is like a cat. Cats have to come to you on their own terms. If you reach down and pick a cat up, it will immediately jump back down. But sit still long enough and eventually the cat will come over and jump up on your lap itself. Let her come to you.