Yes! I did ...all of it! I also did a tonne of yard clean up and gardening this weekend and it was super productive and enjoyable.
Excellent!!!
Good for you setting up the patio furniture and enjoying the yard.
Originally Posted by Kindly
This is such a valid point Dnj ...a skill I could totally work on to improve. Being a “fixer, a do-er” etc etc I find I’m always quick with a response, an answer, a solution...and could benefit from fully understanding. This is a great skill to add to ones arsenal ...now how and where do I start? Are there questions that ARE suitable to ask the MCLr to learn more?
I do understand the being quick with a response, an answer, a solution - allow yourself the luxury of not needing to solve it; the luxury not needing to have an answer.
When one approaches a conversation looking to understand first, then do (response, solve, whatever) - we inject that necessary time and collaborative mindset to find a win-win outcome. Of course, this works much better with two rational people, but hey you got H, and he is where he is, emotional and irrational. By the way, during confrontational conversations, and difficult conversations like performance management and disciplinary action, there is a lot of irrational emotions going about too.
Originally Posted by Kindly
This is a great skill to add to ones arsenal
A skill of understanding and getting to people’s underlying reasons is powerful, and can be used as a weapon. Don’t.
I know you just meant this as an expression. However, your mind is listening. Arsenal weaponizes this. Use toolbox, repertoire, abilities, skill set, etc. All those little things accumulate.
I bet you see this differently from just that one little word change.
This is a great skill to add to ones toolbox.
As for what is suitable to ask. Well, like most things - it depends. I know, a wholly unsatisfying and yet completely accurate answer.
It depends on what, where, and how the other person is doing, being, and behaving. That quickness of your mind will be very useful here - the ability to change gears quickly. A lot of time it is to shift into reverse and back out, then go into neutral.
The main idea, respond to what they say, and don’t dig too much.
I think you did a fine job on your conversation. I am running late and leaving for work right now, I could, if you want, give a few ideas of what I see from your conversation. Don’t worry, it’s not too critical - and hindsight is always 20/20.
I will add that your ending, the part you are worried about, the big paragraph - don’t worry! That is great! He needed to hear that. You are not a doormat. It is well stated and boundary-like. It also sets up future boundary responses if needed.
Have a great day and enjoy the weather.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
