I've seen H now for the 3rd time in 7 days. Given I hadn't laid eyes on him for over three weeks its seems surreal.
Outside of the 1hr drive back to the house last Wednesday where we chatted non-stop. Last Sunday there wasn't any other talk outside of what was being moved, etc. Yesterday the only talk was about the doorbell.
He even called me 10min after leaving with some ideas for the doorbell. I'm sure he is helping me out as he would any friend and not because he cares more than that... ultimately the doorbell issue got fixed and I did call back letting him know it was a simple error on my part. Apologized that he had to get into the attic like that which he replied no worries. He give me instructions to give to S18 on the exposed wiring at the entry way.
H doesn't bring up any R talks. H doesn't bring up OW. H just brings up getting his stuff.
H hasn't been angry when in person with me, but H doesn't smile. He comes across as numb?
I sent a simple thank-you text about appreciating his help with doorbell. Didn't expect a reply and didn't get one.
Of course I'm flooded with emotion to send him texts that I miss him... OR could we meet and talk? I don't follow through... WHY? Because i can't handle the rejection if he ignores. I felt like a stupid puppy following him out to the car when I suspected he was just putting the totes by the front door and leaving.
And, somehow I felt like that silly puppy again as I'm walking him to the front door making eye contact as he keeps repeating "is there any anything else?"... I kept saying no... but its like I kept sitting like a toddler wanting approval as he kept repeating it. Once outside the house I closed the door. i think he sat in his truck for like 10min before leaving -- I suspect he was texting OW.
Keep going forward... I will make a list of things that I need to do for me for today. Weight loss is really cranking up my self esteem... I will get there.
