Whats New Today?

[Vergo]

Not much I guess. Work from home due to the quarantine situation in my country.

[DnJ]

Good Morning Can

Yes, it sounds like 00 is getting some pressure.

His telling you, that you need to help out too, sounds like he is finding out just how much it will cost him to leave. He’d have you and D3 to support, a household to maintain, and an accustomed lifestyle to uphold for you. And yeah, for the rest of his life. I’d say he is starting to see just what a mess he’s in.

Of course he wants to blame you. Wants you to find a job. Is accusing you, asking have you even given it any thought. If you had employment, he has more money for his wants and wishes (and her’s - yuck).

And by the way, I know you are looking for employment and not without job to make him have to pay more. Although from his irrational perspective I suspect his got a some story built up.

Stay the course. Focus on you and D3. Let him spin and do whatever heavy lifting he has to do. You’ve spoken to a lawyer and know where you stand - make no agreements without discussions with a L. MLCers are masters of manipulation and can weave quite a web of woe.

Stay detached. Stay businesslike.

DnJ

[Believe6]

Good evening, Can... it seems like it's hard right now. I don't have much advice. Just wanted you to know that the fact you are maintaining your positive attitude and taking care of D are huge. Try to do whatever you can to stay out of the mire of his emotions. We can't control them.We can only control ourselves... our reactions and our attitudes. As we grow through this, we will find that who we are is better than we hoped, stronger than we knew.

You are strong. Whatever comes, you will figure it out. He's stressed and realizing that this isn't going to be as easy as he thought/wanted. Yeah, well it never is, right? And to remember you moved where you are with nothing and now you have all that you do? Well, you can have that all again in time... with your own hard work, blood, sweat and tears....
And if it's only yours and your daughter's? All the better because no one can take that from you.

Sending good thoughts and peace... Blessings

[CanBird]

~j~ This morning I was up early. Wasn't sure of something, that 00 had mentioned the previous night, and asked him about it when he was fully awake. BIG EYE ROLL. He was SO rude. Talked to me as if I was a complete idiot. He has little patience. One should just simply know everything attitude. I'd had it with this treatment. I was calm & expressed how I felt. He was mean. Simple as that. I had to voice my feelings. He shouldn't take his stress out on me or D3; it's not far and I told him. This is just business we're doing. I thought you might be able to help me out, & there is NO reason for you to speak to me like this.

I needed to talk to MIL. Someone that knows him. She let me vent. 00 is acting just like his dad. I've heard his mom talk about it & his STEP-MIL. Exact same attitude. Any way, I vented & talked about him wanting to sell the house. I needed to let it out. I'm careful with what I say, but do trust her. I feel bad sometimes, 'cause I'm venting about her son, but he knows better. And I always add in the good things, and it is a stressful time, but I was just sick of this treatment.

Later he came and made peace, and talked more about the house. He now says he doesn't want to sell it, just doesn't want to work the rest of his life; work less. Doesn't want us to be without a home. It's a great investment property. So different from the previous evening. My first thought; why are you being nice? What are you up to? I know he's been hatching some plan with gf no doubt. Ugh...barf...whatever it is it's part of the fantasy. Yippee. It'll all come out eventually, unless it falls apart. Who knows.

Nothing else new, but I have decided to continue my major purdging as if I am moving. Never hurts to be prepared. Oh...00 has his vehicle up for sale. Good luck.

[CanBird]

Good Morning Can

Yes, it sounds like 00 is getting some pressure.

His telling you, that you need to help out too, sounds like he is finding out just how much it will cost him to leave. He’d have you and D3 to support, a household to maintain, and an accustomed lifestyle to uphold for you. And yeah, for the rest of his life. I’d say he is starting to see just what a mess he’s in.

Of course he wants to blame you. Wants you to find a job. Is accusing you, asking have you even given it any thought. If you had employment, he has more money for his wants and wishes (and her’s - yuck).

And by the way, I know you are looking for employment and not without job to make him have to pay more. Although from his irrational perspective I suspect his got a some story built up.

Stay the course. Focus on you and D3. Let him spin and do whatever heavy lifting he has to do. You’ve spoken to a lawyer and know where you stand - make no agreements without discussions with a L. MLCers are masters of manipulation and can weave quite a web of woe.

Stay detached. Stay businesslike.

DnJ

Thanks DnJ. You always seem to know what to say, greatly appreciated. Yes, he's a woe weaver alright! I must keep the focus on me & D3. He will do what he will do. And I will carry on as I planned, when its safe of course. My job that I was to startvis still on hold & the boss updates me. Fingers crossed we all go back to better days.

[CanBird]

Good evening, Can... it seems like it's hard right now. I don't have much advice. Just wanted you to know that the fact you are maintaining your positive attitude and taking care of D are huge. Try to do whatever you can to stay out of the mire of his emotions. We can't control them.We can only control ourselves... our reactions and our attitudes. As we grow through this, we will find that who we are is better than we hoped, stronger than we knew.

You are strong. Whatever comes, you will figure it out. He's stressed and realizing that this isn't going to be as easy as he thought/wanted. Yeah, well it never is, right? And to remember you moved where you are with nothing and now you have all that you do? Well, you can have that all again in time... with your own hard work, blood, sweat and tears....
And if it's only yours and your daughter's? All the better because no one can take that from you.

Sending good thoughts and peace... Blessings

Thanks B. Yes, I will be okay. You will too. We are both strong women. We CAN do this!

[CanBird]

~j~ Nothing new. Just waiting for change, as we all are, in one way or another. What can I do? How can I change? Keep doing my thing? I just want him to go already. Hope his work starts soon.

Nothing has changed. I'm putting up with this MLC beast. Jeckl & Hyde. He's up late at night, nightly, goes to garage, makes his call to ow/gf, they hatch their plans for hrs..or whatever they talk about. ..ugh.. barf...makes me sick. Then he's a grouch the next day. Avoids us. Resurfaces & isnt so grumpy hrs later. Then he might want to spend time with D3, but does'nt put his phone down. That also makes me sick.

This lockdown does'nt help. D3 is okay for the most part. I'm up & down. When 00 leaves us for work (if that's what he's doing) I know I'll go through another period of grief. I'm sure others will follow.

Looking for strength within. Where is it?

[job]

When it gets to you, get in the car and take a drive or take a nice long walk. When you return, your battery will be recharged a bit.

It's not easy living w/a MLCer. No two seconds are the same and they are moody as h*ll. Nothing you say or do w//be the right thing.

It's okay to be frustrated. Dig deeper for patience and get yourself out of the house periodically...even if it is to just get a cup of coffee at a drive thru.

[CanBird]

When it gets to you, get in the car and take a drive or take a nice long walk. When you return, your battery will be recharged a bit.

It's not easy living w/a MLCer. No two seconds are the same and they are moody as h*ll. Nothing you say or do w//be the right thing.

It's okay to be frustrated. Dig deeper for patience and get yourself out of the house periodically...even if it is to just get a cup of coffee at a drive thru.

Thanks Job. I did manage to get away from home yesterday, alone. I totally agree, and if things in the world were different I'd be driving somewhere, like over the rainbow, for sure. Wish it was easier. Due to C19, Our area is very strick with non-essential driving. National Guards posted, road blocks. Very serious & strick stay at home orders. And the added fears 00 has, he's very protective of D3 & I. Not wanting us to go driving unless essential. I agree with him. I certainly don't want to expose myself or D3 to anything.

Lucky for us, we just walk out the door & we have an amazing backyard jungle to enjoy. As long as I can get D3 outdoors willingly. That's a daily challenge..lol..00 doesn't understand this challenge or why she doesn't just listen..SHE'S THREE!!!!... and I love her & have patience. He has little patience.

But yes, I do need to dig deeper. Perhaps I need to put my positive 'post it note' back up. Or write words of encouragement on my mirror ( w eraseable marker).

Dig dig digging.

[CanBird]

~j~ This morning I decided to REALLY keep my distance from 00. Made sure I was out of sight. Of course, with D3, I need to be within reach of her. It was an interesting 'Dance', and well managed on my part. Just slip into a different room when he's in the common area.

D3 and I did our GAL activities. Really, I'm doing work outside & I make it a game for her while accomplishing each task. And as usual, when I politely-ignore 00, I hide from him, he seeks us. SERIOUSLY! Just yesterday, he accused me of following him around, and bit my head off (later spoke about it but AGAIN, did not appoligize for his behaviour). Any way, he found us, and hung out. I ignored him. He found things to ask about. I kept it short, pretended to be interested by whatever he was saying, (I could care less). D3 & him interacted earlier in the day than usual. Then they did their iwn thing. I had a mid day adult beverage after my yard work. Well deserved. And now I'm taking my sweet time returning to mother duties.

Any way. I think this method works great & will continue it. I noticed a steak thawing. Hopefully I get to enjoy his cooking later. I have no problem eating what he cooks. I hate cooking..lol..