Soooo you text your H and let him know you found his X. Now you’re thinking about ignoring his texts. Do you see where it can be confusing to your H?
Am I though?
I texted over a business matter - information.
He texted last night about if he could drop off totes - I responded 40min with "ok"
He didn't follow up with me about when he would be here - and he hasn't shown up. If I choose to disengage and not respond to text about he forgot, he made other plans, etc. I just don't want any part of that.
We agreed last Sunday at 2pm for him to get some of his stuff. If I wasn't home on Sunday - that would not have gone over well with him.
So am I confusing him??? Or do I just need him to see I'm not sitting around as Plan B. You don't show when you say you will... I've got a life.
I guess that is how I see it, but LH if you think this is still confusing to H what would you suggest when he tells me tomorrow that something came up... I just reply 'hey no problem... I'm sitting here all the time, show up when you will?"
First of all in all honesty you’re not even plan B right now. If things don’t work out with OM he will try dating first. I’m sorry but that’s the reality of it.
Second I like the idea of a business matter. Would you ignore a text from your business partner. I’m not saying you sit around and wait but a response of “that doesn’t work for me” is warranted.
First of all in all honesty you’re not even plan B right now. If things don’t work out with OM he will try dating first. I’m sorry but that’s the reality of it.
Second I like the idea of a business matter. Would you ignore a text from your business partner. I’m not saying you sit around and wait but a response of “that doesn’t work for me” is warranted.
I accept your point and duly noted in going forward.
OUCH - NOT even Plan B???? He despises me that much??? Yet offers a motorcycle ride??? I know I am NOT supposed to go there.
He just texted... asking how many totes he needs... Better late than never. I will follow through.
We keep having contact daily now. It will be weird once his stuff his all gone - he will have no need to contact me at all and vice versa....
Oh boy I knew when he offered the motorcycle ride it would throw you for a loop. This is TMI but my ex was provided me oral services 6 days before she moved out. Now that beats a motorcycle ride lol. Guess what? 21 months later we’re still divorced and she hasn’t looked back. Why? Not because she hates me but because she is chasing happiness. She wasn’t happy being married to me so it’s on to the next thing, then probably the next thing and so on.
I’m not saying to cater to him but what I am saying is to be consistently strong.
Oh boy I knew when he offered the motorcycle ride it would throw you for a loop. This is TMI but my ex was provided me oral services 6 days before she moved out. Now that beats a motorcycle ride lol. Guess what? 21 months later we’re still divorced and she hasn’t looked back. Why? Not because she hates me but because she is chasing happiness. She wasn’t happy being married to me so it’s on to the next thing, then probably the next thing and so on.
I’m not saying to cater to him but what I am saying is to be consistently strong.
Got it!!!!
Well... H already moved out a month ago... why come back if happiness is elsewhere? I know... doesn't matter... same thing... I'm just superbly fantastic at grasping for staws and overthinking <<<<< those are MY SUPERPOWERS... what are yours??
Ok. Getting my Sh*t together... he will drop off totes. He hasn't asked to pick anything else up but I bet he does when he is at front door.
Here's to keeping real. Looking smokin' hot and rocking a sweet little shirt showing some serious cleavage. Let's hope he drives away wondering what he is leaving behind.
Why? Not because she hates me but because she is chasing happiness.
Yep, my guess was also that his thinking is more along the lines of what LH19 proposes.
And, I'm the opposite of happiness?
Well perhaps I can at least confuse him... maybe that's what happened Sunday.
When he didn't take me on the bike ride when he left with the bike last week. I didn't whine... I didn't beg... I didn't guilt him over. I was 'okay' went about my business like water down a ducks back.... THAT is a 180 for me.
Maybe the physical changes and the 180's are sucking him back my direction?
I think my H gave up on telling me no a long time ago... it was just easier to give me what I wanted. The irony is after BD I told him I wish he would have told me NO more often. Go figure.
KK when a spouse is unhappy they have the propensity to think their spouse is the reason but that is rarely the case. They are unhappy with themselves but it takes them a really long time to figure that out.
Originally Posted by KitCat
Well perhaps I can at least confuse him... maybe that's what happened Sunday..
What?????
Originally Posted by KitCat
When he didn't take me on the bike ride when he left with the bike last week. I didn't whine... I didn't beg... I didn't guilt him over. I was 'okay' went about my business like water down a ducks back.... THAT is a 180 for me. .
Ok so if this was your typical behavior you can now see this was part of the problem.
Originally Posted by KitCat
Maybe the physical changes and the 180's are sucking him back my direction?.
KK when a spouse is unhappy they have the propensity to think their spouse is the reason but that is rarely the case. They are unhappy with themselves but it takes them a really long time to figure that out.
This was the case for both my walkaway partner.. and me.
Originally Posted by KitCat
I think my H gave up on telling me no a long time ago... it was just easier to give me what I wanted. The irony is after BD I told him I wish he would have told me NO more often. Go figure.
That's insightful and I agree. Poor boundaries can build resentment.
I told you my superpower was grasping at straws and overthinking...
Anyway, H was just here. He left totes by the door and I wasn't sure he was going to come back to the door... I had some mail and the X item I had recovered from S18 car... and well darn... I was wearing a cute top showing off cleavage --- his favorite.
So I walked out to the truck and handed him his items. I made mention about the doorbell and bad wire issue. PROBABLY a bad rookie move. He took a look and even was brave enough to go into the attic and walk across the trusses to see if he could find the wire. Its going to be a very involved issue...
I thanked him for looking at it.
Came back into the house... he asked like 3 times... is there anything else? I kept saying no. Was that nerves? Being uncomfortable?
He then said when did I think he could come back for the rest of his stuff - I said Sunday? He thought for a minute and said Sunday would work.
He brought his truck and he didn't even ask to pick up anything small to take with him.... I was surprised by that.
No mention of Separation/Divorce or the Financial Order. Perhaps he is getting his ducks in a row and just going through an atty now? Who knows.
LH - You're right. He doesn't look at me the same way anymore. He seemed sad today but truthfully he is probably just sad with me... sad to be here. He probably is on the phone leaving the house and happy as clams to everyone else.
He left 10min ago ---- calling me.... this time I answer. Its about the doorbell. He says he might have a work around. Tells me to have S18 use his voltage meter and check for power to both things. He ends up talking to me for 5min but just about the doorbell.. and then we hang up.
UGH... I so get a D- for this. He must think I'm so pathetic.
