Well my response was based on the idea that you don’t want a divorce. If you want to push the divorce why do you need her you to contact you to see where is at in the process?
Sounds like you need to decide what side of the fence you are on.
I do need to decide, you are correct about that.
The reason I felt I needed her to contact was me, is because I had been pushing for the divorce, asking for weekly updates, and she kept finding reasons to delay it, until finally she told me to stop contacting her and she was getting a lawyer. I didn't want to jeopardize the agreement we had come to so I thought I would just wait for contact from the lawyer. Stupidly I just kept waiting, and here we are six weeks later, and she finally messages me, but nothing about the divorce. I just don't get it...
Don't beat yourself up too much. A lot of us are in the same boat, including me. We're trying to gain control of a situation that feels so out of control for us. To put it another way, things are happening that we don't want. We don't want D, we want to work on things. But we can't control that. So what can we control? Well, we talk ourselves into "Well, if D is inevitable, then at least I want to control the timeline", and this can be for a number of reasons. It could be as simple as just wanting even the tiniest bit of agency over what's happening, or it could be as complex as wanting to present that you're fine with it, even impatient.
Others are more expert than me, but I think the unifying advice I've seen/heard on here is simple. If you don't want D, don't push her to D. Hounding her for updates and trying to speed it up only moves you closer to an outcome that you don't want.
