Still trying to keep the focus on me - working out - that's the physical, audio book on subjects I would not have picked - intellectual, working on validating/mirroring in all aspects of my life - the emotional attraction, journaling for exploration of the spiritual.
I let myself get stumped by some interactions lately but try desperately to remind myself - it means nothing, zero expectations, as well as listing his actions put bluntly by LH.
Monday I found something in S18's car that H left behind when he last used the car a month ago. He never mentioned to me that he misplaced it and most likely thought it was lost somewhere between couch surfing? I knew he would be looking for it.
Me: Found your X in the Dart. H: Really been looking for that.
I let it go - no need to respond. He knows where this item is - its up to him to get it.
Nothing the rest of the night or Tuesday until Tuesday night.
H: Can I drop off totes tomorrow. Me: Ok
Nothing the rest of the night as to when he will be buy... Nothing today, Wednesday that he will be stopping by. He knows I'm off on Wednesdays. Maybe he won't show? I am not pursing with any more texts.
Today - the plan was to replace the doorbell mechanism. It was fried in the last storm. It took me awhile to find the breaker it was on ---- completely wrong part of house that its on... whatever.
Got is switched out - its simple stuff but STILL not working... that means its a bad wire somewhere. That is H's wheelhouse, not mine... SIGH. I am NOT calling him or texting him over this. UGH... If he does come by with totes he will see that I've taken apart the doorbell button as I think that is where the bad wire is. I'm sure he will ask about. And, I'm sure he would do whatever he could to solve the issue for me. I just don't want to ask --- I'm better than this.
Meanwhile MIL was texting furiously today. Limited convo to a cousin of H's with struggles. Both MIL and another Aunt have been pseudo mother's to her. I never once said anything about H. And, when she asked how I was and that she was thinking about me - I said fine and thankful to be working... I was upbeat. She ended the texting with one about how I will get through this and be fine... UGH... what has H been telling her??? I just said thank you and curtailed the texting with her today.
I wish I just could have fixed the doorbell myself...
