WAW and I live about five minutes apart; she in Brooklyn Heights and me in DUMBO, just down the street near the water. When she moved out, she needed to stay close for a few reasons, partly because she likes this area a lot, but also because she is on the Community Board and has to live within the area to serve on it. Anyway, we actually haven't run into each other all that much or at least not as much as you'd think, but we've now run into each other twice in about a week.
The first time I mentioned previously, and then last night, I was feeling very cooped up with the lockdown so I went for a walk and ran into her at the end of her jog. We talked for a 20-30 minutes, mostly about this and that, nothing too substantive. As has been the case with our last few interactions, the rapport is still very much there. We make each other laugh, nothing feels forced, conversation is flowing on both sides. The most awkward part for sure is the goodbye.
In these moments, I've been trying to remind myself to talk less, listen, and validate. It's been hard because she's really not letting too much out from underneath the curtain. She appears to really like her new job, and she seems content with things. I obviously don't wish her a bad time, but it's sort of clear that she's realized that she doesn't need me and while I don't think for a second I was holding her back in any way, it makes me wonder if that's the conclusion that she's drawn. (With that said, I don't think at any point of our M, either one of us would have said we *needed* each other. We're both too independently-minded.)
On my side of it, I'm fairly sure I don't let on that anything is other than good on my end, either - my business is starting up, I'm excited about that, and I feel good about my physical appearance thanks to my working out. But obviously behind the scenes I miss her terribly and while I don't *need* her by any means, this has been very disruptive and unpleasant for me. I am 100% sure that she knows that R is my goal.
I sort of go into these over-analysis loops whenever I see her, which doesn't help at all. On one hand, it's a good thing that the rapport is still there, and she clearly still enjoys talking to me. On the other hand, initiates most of the contact we do have (although it's typically very logistical - can you help me with this, etc.) and I think I've beat the situation with our legal separation into the ground a bit on here.
I'm sure the answer of "what to do" is nothing - keep GAL, keep going to IC, keep reading, and all of that. I sort of just wish I could handle all of this better than I do.
