Hi Rosy, I’ve been following along worth your sitch, can’t remember if I’ve commented before or not.
I so, so relate to your recent post. I just texted my best friend about this today, because my H does the same thing. At this point it makes me furious. Just this afternoon when he picked up D4 he was all “how are you? Are you ok?” And rubs my shoulder. I want to SCREAM. Just as you said, “YOU KNOW WHATS WRONG!!!!” And like KitKat said, if I were to actually stare the truth, well he wouldn’t want to hear that. It’s selfish behavior and it’s infuriating. All I can say is every time I’ve bitten at that bait to share emotionally, it’s bitten me right back. Stay strong!
Thanks Hope! SO tempting to lash out when they do this but that is true, it's not the best approach to take the bait!
Just some more reflections as we continue this crazy quarantine situation. Being stuck in the house with my H and not seeing other people in person who care about me feels like it is really starting to take a toll on me. I'm struggling with detachment. I so want a H who looks me in the eyes and is honest. Who wants to cuddle and sleep in bed with me.
I felt like I was making more DB progress overall when I was more "mysteriously happy" around my H. It is very hard to hide my lows from him and focus on making myself happy when his bad habits are constantly in my face (i.e. seeing him constantly text other woman/women). When he can't get through a diaper change or taking the trash out without checking his phone, that seems pretty pathetic to me.
I'm having quite a few bouts of extreme sadness and anger and hopelessness. I've toyed with the idea of signing up for one of those online counseling services - has anyone used one and have any feedback about them? Aside from the current pandemic, I feel like it'd be easier for me with my schedule and the baby to be able to participate in counseling virtually. I think it might be a combination of postpartum hormones and my situation with my jerk H but I am sick of having such low periods and feeling worthless. Being present for the baby does make me value my life more however. Don't want to share this to sound so pathetic or to ask for sympathy, just reflecting on my sitch and want others to know that if you're feeling this way, you are not alone.
