Grace is right about the DB rules. They are more like tools than rules.
We do use them as rules at the beginning since we are pretty mixed up and usually begging and pleading.
One of those “rules” is do more of what works and less of what doesn’t. Every MLCer is different, and yet they all more or less follow a similar script. You know your situation best. You offered kindness, carrying, and reached out.
His response is normal for someone in a crisis and emotionally troubled state. He can’t handle his own emotions, and he certainly cannot handle anyone else’s.
That’s the counterintuitive bit, realizing when something isn’t working, and then letting that be for a while. You can try again later, much later. He knows you care. He just needs lots of time.
As Grace stated, most of us here are fixer. It is a fine line to walk. H needs to fix himself, and you need to not manipulate. It’s tough.
Don’t worry, you didn’t screw up. You showed compassion on the one year after his Dad’s death. Of course he couldn’t really acknowledge that, but he heard you and knows you care. You did fine. (((B6)))
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
