Persistent Endurance (Part 8)

[sandi2]

I think you were smart not to look at the photos/video. My advice is that you not delete anymore voice messages, or texts. You don't have to listen, but just in case the police needs to decide there has been a threat, etc.

I don't know much about legal steps to take, but she definitely needs to get a RO, b/c of the stalking. Maybe you can get one, too, IDK. Safety for your children is most important. She has exposed them to this creep, so I would be very leery about the kids being alone with her......anywhere, but especially at her place.

Would this be considered rock bottom?

Why do you ask? What difference does it make?

Frankly, I hope it scares the pee-water out of her!! If this doesn't shake her to the core, then I don't know what will, but that's just me. She needs to see how she has put her entire family at risk. Sometimes, it's not just one big thing that happens to jar the WW awake, but several things working together to get the same results. I remember how one of my board mentors told me about some real life situations with affair partners.......and it did play a part in shaking my fogged out brain. Getting scared is good, in some cases. It may not stop her sleeping with someone else. That remains to be seen. I hope she doesn't scratch this off as some isolated case, but realizes it comes with the territory, so to speak. It's the risk factor involved in real life that needs to slap her in the face so hard it shatters her fantasy of being single and sleeping around. Just like this OM, some guys are attracted to M women who cheat, and there is an unhealthy and/or immoral reason behind it.

I asked W if she wanted to call the police as I felt there was a threat of danger and so did her girlfriends that she notified. She asked if I could call. I was looking up what to say, then I told her she needed to make the call. This is something she needed to do on her own.

Good job! I agree, she needed to be the one to call the police. It's fine for you to be there by her side, but for own shake......she needs to walk through this hard/scary mess she helped to create.

She told me if I wanted the divorce, she would understand and I could have it. I replied I don’t want to think about that right now. I just continued to listen and she said how sorry she was for getting us into this situation. W said he called her 50 times one day earlier this week and that he asked her to marry him a few days ago.

My suggestion is to try to put relationship talk on hold for now. This is shot to another level, IMHO, and it's about the safety of your family. It appears that she has placed herself, and maybe her family, on some level of danger......IMHO. Yesterday, I thought the texts sounded like a revengeful woman.......but overnight, it sounds more like a psychopath. I still can't figure out about "she didn't stick to her end of the deal". Whatever it is, it doesn't sound good, at the moment.

This morning W called her boss and HR to notify them that OM3 may try to contact her work. She also called her dad and informed him what happened and that she was having an affair. She made these calls without my recommendation.

Good! It must have been hard for her, but like I said, she "needs" to do this hard stuff for her own sake. It is a small way of taking ownership for her actions. It's too easy to blame someone else, and/or get the LBH to do the work for her. So, I'm glad to see you being smart here.

I have not responded. Would everyone agree that the best response is no response?

I wouldn't respond. I would give let the police look at the texts, and ask for their advice. These days, stalking is taken more seriously than in previous years.

How do we get this monster out of our lives?

Talk to experts who deal with this real life situation.

Please keep us updated as often as possible. ((hugs))