WW Patience, Limbo amd Fear

[Core]

Ultimately you can drag your feet with it but if that’s the case why did you just wait? She’s not going to change her mind right now. We as humans are controlled by are thoughts. If she thinks she can never be intimate with you again. Well guess what? That’s how she will feel.

It’s crazy how the human brain works. She told you she can’t see herself being intimate with you again. That your family isn’t worth working for and listed all your flaws and you indicated it made you feel closer.

So much of this is people not understanding the human brain, emotions, hormones and what it takes to make a successful relationship.

It’s very sad.

Chin up Core it will get better.

Thank you LH. Its nice having your perspective. It feels good to at least be taking a step towards an outcome here, even if its not the one I wanted for the kids or myself.

You felt closer because she was being open and honest with you even if it stung. You've grown enough to sit in the pain of something like that and not react, just receive. Being that open to her truth built a moment of emotional intimacy. She let you in. And she hasn't in a long time. You let her in. That's why you you felt closer. Emotional intimacy. That moment. The calm, ok that's how you feel, this is how I feel, I guess this is how we are going forward. That calm is the calm I've been pushing you towards this whole time. Try to maintain that version of yourself. Non-reactionary. Open. Accepting. You'll need that guy going forward.

Woah, this post from you surprised me. I did look back through my posts and I see what you mean. I'm almost always in turmoil when I'm posting. I cant believe some of you could determine what I was communicating based on how scattered some comments were. The person in my last post is who I am most of the time. The person from most of my posts is who I was for a large amount of the time post kid, sleep loss and losing my way. Your post makes sense, totally shows how I got drawn in during the chat. It was our first deep chat in months.

Just want to chime in about the kids. I used to think about this as well with my kids (sometimes still do) - is this the type of father that they will model after in the future? Do they know that this is not "normal"? How is H showing them what responsibility is? ...etc. But I've come to realize that there is no normal. Kids will see enough "normal" from stories and TV to have a certain expectation of what a parental figure is supposed to be like. And over their life time they will go through their own experiences and tweak it themselves to have their own definition. One strong/stable parent is more than enough. In the grand scheme of things, this limbo is really not that long. Not that I am advocating for you to keep waiting, I just think that in most cases, more patience also benefits the LBS.

I hope thats the case and thanks for chiming in Wooba! I find my W acts alot like her mother in her parents relationship and I act like my dad. Thats what scared me as far as my kids learning from my W. Plus D4 is at the age of copying everything mommy does. Mostly good and with some bad for her future relationships.


I went ahead and scheduled the mediation. I wish it was her doing the leg work but its my choice to end it sooner than later. Her words during our chat do show me that shes given things some thought. No large effort however some time was spent. She tried to dump off guilt from her EA and I told her Im not talking about that now. Not sure why, I think it was her lack of remorse or that I'm not ready to forgive.

I feel that life is about family. Family first. That's what life is for and what its about. Its a shame that Ws focus moved away from that to self sustainability. Partly I am responsible. Moving to mediation makes my look conflicted or like a liar. Im doing it to preserve my kids future. We all say put the kids first here. Infinite limbo is not healthy for them, nor are bad examples. Im financially smart and I'll recover from this to ensure more sound teenage and later years for them.

Wife, I'm sorry its come to this. We said we'd never hurt each other, never leave each other. We said we would grow a family and put our marriage first for the kids. How sadly we were mistaken. Those with the highest aspirations can fall the furthest. I dont forgive, condone or believe what you did was ok, but I understand why you thought it was the path you needed at the time. What you've done to the family is not ok. I hope you can find yourself.