Our instincts are usually right. That's why we have them. But when it comes to a busted marriage, our instincts, unfortunately, are usually wrong. We usually default to pursuing behaviors, after all that is what got us together with our spouse to begin with, right? The problem is that pursuing behaviors that work at the beginning of a relationship do not work when we get into these situations. That is why R2C said that it is important to do that which is counter-intuitive.
GAL/staying busy. 180 on bad behavior for YOU and so that you can be the best you can be. And detachment (google: self-differentiation in marriage).
I see you talk about her controlling your relationship. That is an easy 180. The very best thing that you can do right now is to portray the attitude that you are going to be okay no matter what she does! First of all, that is true, whether you feel that or not. And secondly, doing that usually has a profound effect on the WAS. They expect you to be sad, mopey, self-absorbed, down-trodden. But when you are confident, upbeat, fulfilled, happy, satisfied, even pleased, she will wonder what the heck is up.
One small correction, there is nothing beta about owning up to your own mistakes and admitting them and resolving to be better! Nothing beta about that at all! The best alphas will always own their own mistakes, take control of those mistakes, and be better from that point forward. That last part is key. Betas are doomed to constantly make the same mistakes., Alphas take the initiative to do better from that point forward!
Good job on giving her distance. That is really the best thing you can be doing right now.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
