Plase Vapo and ginger be a bit more specific. These contents are great for perspectivev(thank you!) but please fill in if you have anything specific in mind.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Need to focus on yourself and your goal. It’s about improving ourselves to get into a better version. A Mumin 2.0 model. Keep reading Cadet’s welcome post links. Main answers are there.
Fair point neffer thank you! IT is time I read them again, what is a bit weird though is a lot of the things are for ppl that are before D. I need to sort in my head what is appropriate now. Any tips on readings post D? Already have a few member-threads I am reading.
Anyway, an update: After thinking about it I decided the butt-plug thing was crossing the line for me atp. So I sent her a picture of the trash and wrote, "Im sure you can be more discreet than this."
She first answered. Yes I get that, but maybe you shouldnt be sending me a picture of it to showme. Then she wrote: But yea I get it. I apologize....
I haven't replied and probably wont.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Thanks LH! Today I simply felt this was just not something I tolerate and in fact I wanted that exact reaction. A tip my IC gave me is to (in practically any situation in life that impacts me) ask myself "Am I ok with this?". I am not ok with seeing sex toys. Other example: Neither am I ok with my boss giving me a lower bonus than expected. So I said something. Old me would have let it slide and just said "ok". NGS... Conforming (using word correct?) and accommodating to others, has happened WAY too much in my life. Wife and sitch aside, this question has been the strongest tool for me to self-improve so far.
Will order that book today! Thank you! Will also go back to Cadets post and read though everything again.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Yo M I get it in general about standing up for what you believe in and having boundaries and such. What happens if you go in there tomorrow and there’s more BPs in the garbage?
Thanks LH. IF that happens the only card I have to play is selling the house or her moving to a rental. Which is what she wants any ways.
I dont want to encourage things to go that fast, but if she decides to spread sex toys around here then I would be happy for a shorter timeline. That's simply a line/boundary for me. Really.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Again I understand where you’re coming from and you surely don’t need props for the mental movies. She’s been open about her BF, you filed for divorce so I guess I don’t see where you think all of a sudden she should consider your feelings. You getting but hurt about it (no pun intended) changes nothing.
When someone in your life disrespects you and doesn’t care about your feelings, you remove them from your life.
You cannot control the actions of your W, only your actions. She could be hauling lorries full of sex toys and you can't do a thing about it. If you try to enforce boundaries, you better make sure you can follow through, otherwise it is only going to make you look weak.
Second thing. You do you figure you would be able to sell the house from under your W's a$$? Is she not also the owner? I think you are overly simplifying matters.
No more Mr. Nice guy is an awesome read. I also found reading Models by Mark Manson. At first glnace it looks like a pick-up book, but it goes much deeper.
Just found packaging of a butt-blug in the trash. Just lying there for me to see.
Ouch, that's harsh.
Originally Posted by Mumin
"Im sure you can be more discreet than this."
I see nothing "wrong" with asking her to please be more discreet, if you think your feelings matter to her. It sounds like you've realized you can't control this, since your stick (selling sooner) is a carrot to her.
Originally Posted by "Mumin"
After having talked to the kids... Me-Do you want to talk? W-I don't know. Maybe. Do you? Me-Well not now.
As for how you could've ended this, it's strange to ask if she wants to talk, and when she says maybe, to indicate you don't want to. ::shrug:: "I've got a few minutes." or ::shrug:: "I'm free after seven."
