WW Patience, Limbo amd Fear

[Liz11]

It's a tough situation to be sure. We all wish we could look into the future and see what the "right" path to take is. But we don't get that luxury, so we have to make some hard choices. In-house separation rarely leads to recon. But out-of-house separation also rarely leads to recon. Divorce rarely leads to recon. What does lead to recon more often than any of these? Time. Most of us just don't give it enough time, after a few months we get tired of waiting and push for S or D ourselves. More often than not here is what happens- the LBS gets tired of waiting. They push for S or D. They eventually detach and move on. THEN the WAS starts getting interested again and putting out feelers. By then most LBS's are done and don't want to expose themselves to that level of harm again. So at the end of the day, most LBS's are the ones that eventually block recon attempts. Simply put, WAS's just take too much time to get their s**t together and the LBS has well and truly moved on by the time they do.

This is sage advice, Core. Speaking as someone who's been separated for a month now, every day that wanes on in separation, especially if you get conflicting messages/feelings from your WAS, makes things harder and harder. I haven't even had the D bomb yet -- my WAH is on the "I don't want a divorce, but I haven't made up my mind if it will come to that" track right now. But he's definitely back to negative to no contact, despite telling someone two weeks ago that he did not want us to end, and I think the drops really shred patience. You have to dig deep to find that patience, and ultimately decide if you even want to hold fast while this mess of process goes on.

I'm sorry you are going through this.