I tried remote IC in my home and got interrupted. It was also really uncomfortable talking privately in my house and sound travels a lot. So i tried it once but I don’t feel like i can do it again.
And like i had said it seemed to be going really well through the weeks of quarantine. It felt like we were doing things together, helping each other, being kind to one another, and sharing moments.
There were one or two tough patches but all and all it was good. Today we had a campfire, roasted hot dogs and marshmallows together and got family pictures taken. There was a moment when I expressed some frustration but we talked it through.
After dinner as we were cleaning up my wife began to talk about how worn out she was by Our daughter, how Our daughter was constant and how my wife never got a break. Then she brought us up, how we were getting ready to split up and now i never give her a break. She said it felt like I was trying to keep us together. That I was touching her and how i had kissed her (I couldn’t recall when).
She said we needed to get back in touch with our mediator and then we got interrupted by the kids. It seemed to come out of no where and was very disappointing because I really thought we were making progress.
You really have to temper those expectations. Unfortunately for some WWs getting a break from their kids is part of the allure for D. Keep making positive changes and stay strong.
This divorce busting or whatever you want to call it is tough. And this quarantine environment makes it tougher. I just feel trapped. The last 7 days have gone well enough but my psyche is not good. I’m just struggling with my own anxiety and losing hope. I’d like to call where I am at Limbo, but it’s not. Really, I’m just waiting till this coronavirus passes so that mediation can begin again. I have this desire to just move in with life in one direction or the other. I want to push the action in some direction. Either let’s get to work on us or let’s get this over with. I’m just struggling to manage my mind.
I’ll do my best to keep on keeping on. This [censored].
This divorce busting or whatever you want to call it is tough. And this quarantine environment makes it tougher. I just feel trapped. The last 7 days have gone well enough but my psyche is not good. I’m just struggling with my own anxiety and losing hope. I’d like to call where I am at Limbo, but it’s not. Really, I’m just waiting till this coronavirus passes so that mediation can begin again. I have this desire to just move in with life in one direction or the other. I want to push the action in some direction. Either let’s get to work on us or let’s get this over with. I’m just struggling to manage my mind.
I’ll do my best to keep on keeping on. This [censored].
Hi Scott, just offering support. I've been in a similar mindset over the past week: struggling with some positive signs from my WAH but now dealing with more negative ones, struggling with the feeling and anger of being in limbo, trying to figure out how to get my mind off things for just an hour despite being in pretty much quarantine, trying not to let myself get overwhelmed with all of the negative feelings and thoughts, and trying not to be too much of a drain on my support network in an effort to deal with all of this stuff. I have so many moments where I want answers and just want to feel like there's some progress in either direction, but in studying the forums and working with a DB coach, I think the hardest part of this -- yet probably the most important part -- is accepting the patience that's required. I struggle with that every day, and many days I feel like I lose the struggle. Try to keep your spirits up as best you can.
I'm 40, H is 36. No kids. No infidelity of which I'm aware. Mini BD January 2020 -- not sure if he wants to try anymore BD March 2020 -- separation
I’ve been following a process of “centering prayer” daily which is like meditation. I’ve found that to be helpful in gaining patience and mindfulness. Just an idea. I also found the enneagram books like “The Road Between Is” and some others to help me with self development. By focusing on growing personally it takes my mind off things some. Just a couple of ideas.
So I’ve been doing a lot of study and reading. I’ve read up in the Enneagram a lot which has been interesting and has given me a lot of insight into myself and my spouse. To help work on myself I’ve been trying to feel my feelings more and now I’ve taken up the practice of centering prayer which is a contemplative prayer technique. I think it helps to give me an interior peace day to day which has been needed.
This idea of the first half of life and the second half of life has become interesting to me as well. That we all spend the first half thinking we have things figured out until we fail big or have some turmoil in our life and then if we learn we can begin the second half of life. I’m just getting started on Richard Rohr’s Falling Upward, which I hope is good, on the subject.
While i have been working on myself and really trying to understand my negative patterns it has become more apparent how little self awareness my spouse has. She is still blaming me and bringing things up that happened 3 or 5 years ago up to let me know what I did to her and she is pointing out still how I put her in the middle of situations or how I control her. Sadly, these are things she does to herself and she always has, but she refuses to see it.
And that’s okay, that will be hers to deal with one day. If after this quarantine we follow thru on the divorce I really think I’ll be able to move forward and grow and not repeat my patterns. Sadly, at this point I don’t think her path will go the same way and I expect in a couple years time she will realize that her problems are hers and not everyone else’s.
It’s been 260 days since my wife and I have made love, 250 since she asked for a separation she didn’t follow through on while she debated divorcing me, 103 since she said she wanted a divorce and scheduled mediation, 83 days since our first and so far the last mediation session, and 42 days since we last spoke about divorce.
Because of covid all of our mediation sessions were canceled, otherwise we would have filed by now. We haven’t talked about any of this since 42 days ago; life just continues like normal except their is no affection. We sleep in the same bed, make meals together, put the kids to bed, and after that sit on the porch with a nightcap, talk, and watch the stars. A week ago i had done a bunch of work around the house and for the first time in 100 days she rolled over to say thank you as we went to sleep and gave me a kiss.
I can’t tell you how tired and worn out I am continuing to battle for this marriage. It is so freaking hard. I just want her to say she’s either in or out. I just want to move on in one direction or the other.
