My story, trial separation for now, Part 3

[Liz11]

So, Q for the crew. As you may or may not know, WAW and I are not legally separated. She's mentioned wanting to get this out out of the way for many months, and has said that she has a difficult time getting her head wrapped around what she's really feeling and where she wants to go until that process is complete.

(For some background, both she and I are very data-driven people, so I can understand where she's coming from. A few people have asked me if there's an ulterior motive to this (such as dangling the hope of R to get more cooperation from me) and I really don't think so.)

Anyway, because she's dragging her feet on getting this document together, and because she's said it's such a blocker for her, I've begun working with my counsel to get the first-pass of the document drafted and get the ball rolling.

My concern is: a lot of vets in here have said to not initiate things that you are not ready for. If WAW wants to initiate something, be clear that it is not what you want but that you will not stand in their way, but if are not ready for D or for whatever step is out there, do not do it. Instead GAL, and go back to focusing on you.

Does that advice apply here? On one hand, I'm not thrilled with the prospect of getting this document in place because it's basically the entire work of getting D from an agreement perspective. On the other, this is what she said she needs to move towards a resolution, and one of my 180s w/r/t the two of us is taking the lead on management matters relating to the both of us.

Hi Steve -- I'm by no means an expert or a vet, but I've read the DR book twice now and have been working with a DB coach, plus all of the stuff that I've read on the boards, and I think that, if you want a chance at reconciliation, you should leave it be. There's nothing wrong with working with a lawyer, but at the end of the day, if she wants a separation or a divorce and you don't, then it should be in incumbent on her to do the work, and deal with all of the realizations and pain and hurt that come with it. Just my two cents, though. Take it for what its worth.