WW Patience, Limbo amd Fear

[Core]

LH, I should've taken out my anxiety earlier. W dealt with it off and on for 3 years. I also knew little of validation and disagreed with her feelings at times rather than just listening. I also found god, healed relationships with my family, picked up goals again and killed it at the gym like my old days. These changes probably would've increased Ws attraction and love for me before we hit that point of no return. I changed after having kids and I should've 180d then.

Wayfarer, the only other option I see would be me continuing to be used as a doormat for her needs. The gift of time has been great, I just dont see it working when we see each other daily. Im 90 percent sure she still wants that relationship with OM. She had since October to make a change, or at least January when they truly cut off communications. This is all definitely an expectation of mine but a normal one isnt it? W could potentially go years with me in this spot. With kids seeing this as a normal marriage and me losing more alimony and time to build another relationship if I can ever trust again after this. I havent seen anything positive, only negative from her. I get why, she wanted out and she felt unsafe, unattracted or both because of my issues. What is your true take on what I do here? Wait it out indefinitely? If I did give more time, we'd still have a 1 to 2 year divorce process to go through. I still have time if I filed today. I think the big difference is W knows Im willing to walk away. Wayfarer, I'm throwing the card out for the kids, not me. I'm hoping it changes her mind. That is true. What I truly want is the kids to see a normal marriage or no marriage. D4 is already copying W and is saying she "isnt supposed to spend time or sit with daddy". Its not what mommys do.

My attorney divorced when her kid was one and says Ill get 50/50. W will need a job. She actually just started one part time and Ive been 60 percent furloughed. The timing [censored]. This isnt my choice. Please show me another way if there is one. I cant see how accommodating this person will fix my sitch. She has made zero progress to fix her relationships with her family members she removed from her life and she claims to care about them. She resents me and admits that. Say whatever you want here, I ask for 180s and Ive already had a lifetime of being offended.