I am so proud of you! You handled a difficult situation very well. I am glad that this part of the situation is over and done with for you. Now, you can straighten up your home and if you want to move things around, you have the space to do so.
As for his comments about the bike ride...take them w/a grain of salt for now. Please do not try to over analyze his every word because it will drive you nuts. As for him calling you after he left...hard to say what he wanted to tell you...but whatever it is, if it is important he will call you back.
Now...it's time to put that focus squarely on you and your son. Time to move forward and focus on today. Leave the future to reveal itself when it's ready.
Stay safe!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am so proud of you! You handled a difficult situation very well. I am glad that this part of the situation is over and done with for you. Now, you can straighten up your home and if you want to move things around, you have the space to do so.
As for his comments about the bike ride...take them w/a grain of salt for now. Please do not try to over analyze his every word because it will drive you nuts. As for him calling you after he left...hard to say what he wanted to tell you...but whatever it is, if it is important he will call you back.
Now...it's time to put that focus squarely on you and your son. Time to move forward and focus on today. Leave the future to reveal itself when it's ready.
Stay safe!
Thank you -- but as I predicted he could not move everything in one trip... he will be back for more stuff. At least we have established that in person we can be civil and kind despite our texting and calls showing otherwise.
You are right. If its important he will call back.
For now I will keep working at dropping the rope and let him figure out what he needs for himself.
I do think I earned an "A" on Sunday on my behavior and that might have perplexed him quite a bit!
KC, sounds like everything went very smoothly, good job maintaining your cool!
Like Job said don't read anything into the bike ride. He may have had no intentions of it at all but just said it to placate you. You can 100% fully expect that the more space you give him, the more he will dangle lines out there to make sure you are still Plan B. He may also do it if he needs something from you, to butter you up a little.
Is there more stuff or is that it? If that's it then try and get back on track with YOUR life. Remember our earlier convo about how "he" and "him" and "H" dominates your posts and how you needed more "me" and "I". I understand with the move going on you had to switch your focus to talking about him again, but try and switch it back to you again.
There is more stuff to move out - at least one more trip? possibly two?
I'm just reminding myself to have ZERO expectations.
Continuing to focus on myself and trying to stop stewing over the bike offer AND the call I did not pick up. Those things happened yesterday and have no weight on today.
There is more stuff to move out - at least one more trip? possibly two?
I'm just reminding myself to have ZERO expectations.
Continuing to focus on myself and trying to stop stewing over the bike offer AND the call I did not pick up. Those things happened yesterday and have no weight on today.
This sounds like a plan, Kit. I know how hard it is to focus on yourself, especially given what the world is like right now. Keep pushing through. I'm thinking of you.
I'm 40, H is 36. No kids. No infidelity of which I'm aware. Mini BD January 2020 -- not sure if he wants to try anymore BD March 2020 -- separation
Still trying to keep the focus on me - working out - that's the physical, audio book on subjects I would not have picked - intellectual, working on validating/mirroring in all aspects of my life - the emotional attraction, journaling for exploration of the spiritual.
I let myself get stumped by some interactions lately but try desperately to remind myself - it means nothing, zero expectations, as well as listing his actions put bluntly by LH.
Monday I found something in S18's car that H left behind when he last used the car a month ago. He never mentioned to me that he misplaced it and most likely thought it was lost somewhere between couch surfing? I knew he would be looking for it.
Me: Found your X in the Dart. H: Really been looking for that.
I let it go - no need to respond. He knows where this item is - its up to him to get it.
Nothing the rest of the night or Tuesday until Tuesday night.
H: Can I drop off totes tomorrow. Me: Ok
Nothing the rest of the night as to when he will be buy... Nothing today, Wednesday that he will be stopping by. He knows I'm off on Wednesdays. Maybe he won't show? I am not pursing with any more texts.
Today - the plan was to replace the doorbell mechanism. It was fried in the last storm. It took me awhile to find the breaker it was on ---- completely wrong part of house that its on... whatever.
Got is switched out - its simple stuff but STILL not working... that means its a bad wire somewhere. That is H's wheelhouse, not mine... SIGH. I am NOT calling him or texting him over this. UGH... If he does come by with totes he will see that I've taken apart the doorbell button as I think that is where the bad wire is. I'm sure he will ask about. And, I'm sure he would do whatever he could to solve the issue for me. I just don't want to ask --- I'm better than this.
Meanwhile MIL was texting furiously today. Limited convo to a cousin of H's with struggles. Both MIL and another Aunt have been pseudo mother's to her. I never once said anything about H. And, when she asked how I was and that she was thinking about me - I said fine and thankful to be working... I was upbeat. She ended the texting with one about how I will get through this and be fine... UGH... what has H been telling her??? I just said thank you and curtailed the texting with her today.
I wish I just could have fixed the doorbell myself...
Got is switched out - its simple stuff but STILL not working... that means its a bad wire somewhere. That is H's wheelhouse, not mine... SIGH. I am NOT calling him or texting him over this. UGH... If he does come by with totes he will see that I've taken apart the doorbell button as I think that is where the bad wire is. I'm sure he will ask about. And, I'm sure he would do whatever he could to solve the issue for me. I just don't want to ask --- I'm better than this.
I wish I just could have fixed the doorbell myself...
Hi KitCat, been awaiting your update! Glad to hear you seem to be on an upward swing--working out, audiobooks, fewer texts between you and H! Good try on the 180. I wonder if you could take it a step further. When H asks, tell him you've got it, and hire a handyman so you really do solve it?
Got is switched out - its simple stuff but STILL not working... that means its a bad wire somewhere. That is H's wheelhouse, not mine... SIGH. I am NOT calling him or texting him over this. UGH... If he does come by with totes he will see that I've taken apart the doorbell button as I think that is where the bad wire is. I'm sure he will ask about. And, I'm sure he would do whatever he could to solve the issue for me. I just don't want to ask --- I'm better than this.
I wish I just could have fixed the doorbell myself...
Hi KitCat, been awaiting your update! Glad to hear you seem to be on an upward swing--working out, audiobooks, fewer texts between you and H! Good try on the 180. I wonder if you could take it a step further. When H asks, tell him you've got it, and hire a handyman so you really do solve it?
Possible... depends on how simple a fix it might be... long and involved H will walk away. Easy and H will want very much to do it out of guilt?
I'm certainly a bit annoyed that he texted last night and wanting to drop off totes. I gave NO resistance and said OK. But he never texted back last nigbt or today and hasnt shown up.
He blows this off I'm not answering any more texts about him coming by for awhile. Its rude... and that's a boundary for me.... show up when you say on time... dont waste mine.
Now off to keep knitting a hat and stewing over doorbell not my H.
Easy and H will want very much to do it out of guilt?
I could see him being happy you still need him for that, and to work off some of his guilty attachment--but are those in your best interests? ::shrug:: He is cheaper than a TaskRabbit. Close call.
Enjoy your knitting, and I hope he doesn't blow you off.
