Persistant Endurance (Part 7)

[curtis7]

Curtis,

Why are you here? Are you just using the posters as a sounding board or do you really and truly want to save your marriage and have your wife return to the marriage? If you want to try to save your marriage, then you need to open your ears and listen to what the posters have been advising you for many weeks. Open your eyes and look around you. What you've been doing isn't working...so try something different.

I drafted the following response to this question back in December but felt it was unnecessary to post:

Job, good question. I initially came here to save my MR. Then a few months later when my W fell hard into WW, I lost hope. I kept posting to potentially provide insight to others on what doesn’t work. Lately, there were a few positive signs where my W showed some interest in actually being around me or at least the family. W joined me at a few Xmas parties. We went and had a pretty good time. Took a few couples pictures in the photobooth that was setup. W got close and pressed her cheek against mine in one of them. We were among the last to leave the party.

I felt that things were trending in a better direction than they ever had since BD. Thought I had a realistic shot at R and becoming one of the rare success stories. If that does happen, it will show that the LBS should keep searching for what works and trust their gut. What worked for others certainly doesn’t work for all. Who knows, perhaps I did a poor job of explaining things. If it doesn’t work out, that’s okay, I will survive and I’m confident that I will meet someone in the future that will love and appreciate me for who I’ve become and not cheat on me.

There are so many posters here that love to criticize the LBS. I feel most have good intentions and are trying to recommend what has worked for others in the past and what prevents the LBS from getting hurt again. However, I think many like to pile on without understanding the details of the sitch. For instance, I laid out a synopsis of what happened over the course of 7 weeks during which 2 R talks transpired. The replies of several posters made it seem like these R talks were pressure applied by me almost back to back. Also, 3 weeks of no snooping is significant from where I was at previously. Many posters imply that I am still snooping. I have no intention of snooping again, but several people here don’t choose to accept that.

Don’t get me wrong, I think 2x4’s are needed on occasion. However, when the LBS receives 10 replies that are all basically saying the same thing it becomes excessive. I appreciate a few of the posters that can empathize with how difficult all of this is and actually offer words of encouragement.

A good portion of my sitch plays out like a soap opera and I thought some would get enjoyment of keeping up with the latest developments no matter how painful it might be for me. I used this forum to vent on occasion and release some of the pain and frustration. I can do that just as easily in my own private journal.

I have decided to refrain from posting on my sitch until a major development occurs. There is plenty of advice in my 7 threads thus far that I can read again to reinforce where I have gone astray and what the vets recommend. I plan to return and provide an update either when D is imminent or when my W has decided to R and I can move to the Piecing forum. So long for now.