WW Patience, Limbo amd Fear

[Core]

Im here again with the same questions and dilemmas. Wayfarer, you mentioned your H is hot and cold. You get some positives signs that show you on some level that your actions are working or can give you hope. My W is cold, frigid and arctic. There is zero connection spiritually, physically or emotionally.

I get that this shouldn't be about her. I say, Why not if she is the problem? This site is about saving marriages. I continue to work on me for me and the kids. That stuff I can do on my own and I dont come for that. I do still come here hoping for insight in to fixing the marriage.

I dont know what I can do differently. So much of dbing and advice is contradictory. I got stuck the other day when W was sick (not the bug in the news) and slept in the mbr. At bedtime I told her Im going to sleep in the master.l as well. She asked if she could stay and I go elsewhere, I said no, Im going to sleep in the mbr. She got upset, said I told her it was ok to sleep in the room (I never said she cant), said our communication is off and left. Instead of validating I told her she is often acting like a victim and will remain one if she doesnt change. We acted normal the next day.

I dont know if Im supposed to be flirty, give space, leave or what. Tough love or caring. Gentle or hard. I read red pill stuff and man did that just make me spiteful. Im out of whack as that stuff seems legit and similar to some strategy here.

So virus cohabitsting aside and yes, my goal is an intact marriage, ideally with my kids mother...what do I do? Here's the flipside, per DB and advice, I shouldn't file for D or S. Per peoples experience, in home separation doesnt work. Well then, a choice has to be one or the other right? There is no other option.

Whats the damage of asking my W at this point what she wants to dom That and only that. She'll probably ask for space again if I do. If so, what then? If a spouse is a ball and chain, at this point it's like a corpse is attached to my leg. Theres no life in the M. Im so far gone that I dont have the energy to try, if thats even the right move.

She cheated, she mentally and verbally abused me. Why should I do anything to keep allowing her to live how we are?Wayfarer, you mention it was sad that I dont want to spend money on my kids mom. Why would I support a cheater and abuser who walked out? If your H was in my shoes, would you respect him providing for you while his life is made to be hell by you? Even if you did, would that make you lean toward marriage? This woman chose to demolish a family while one of her kids was not even one year old. Why sacrifice any more for her when there is seemingly zero chance of this paning out? If i had the mental energy to keep working on me, maybe it could but I still dont want this version of her back. I get D is expensive however dragging this out then Ding is more expensive for the breadwinner.

Im back to...what am I supposed to do to try to save the marriage and should I just relationship talk at this point? Its not pursuing if I just ask wtf she wants, right?