I’m glad you felt empowered by taking action. I also agree with U’s take on the situation. You did really well!
Detachment is a process and there will be times when your equilibrium will be rocked, but it gets easier to steady yourself with practice. I just posted in my thread on the MLC board about S2 coming home from his Easter visit talking about OW and even telling me she changed his nappy. Now, I don’t like this at all. It’s unpleasant and uncomfortable to hear, think, and talk about. For me, dealing with emotional upset looks something like this...
Number one, I remind myself that these feelings are normal and okay. I am not weak or backsliding in my recovery by having a natural reaction to something that is objectively upsetting. It also tells me that my expectations of XH behaving with respect or honour were too high, ie. above zero, and I need to keep that in check.
Number two, I talk in person or over the phone with some trusted family or friends to validate my feelings FIRST before seeking a positive perspective on the situation. I don’t want to hear “Well, at least xyz didn’t happen” or “You’ll just have to accept it” unless they’ve already told me “Wow, that really [censored]” or “I’m sorry that happened”. The right people will know how to respond with empathy.
Number three, I type it out in my DB thread to ensure I have a record of what happened and how I felt. If anyone weighs in with their opinion, that’s a bonus. Getting these thoughts and feelings down on paper helps release more emotional tension. In the same way you feel better after throwing up, you also feel better after a good word vomit.
Number four, it’s time to GAL and let things percolate in the background, even if GAL is simply going to bed early. Focus on self care and all the good things about being single. Remind yourself that nobody can ever usurp your role as mother. Thank whatever deity that you are not quarantined with your H and exposed to his mood swings right now!
I get you. It’s lonely and hard. But you are not alone
