Thanks for the kind words, B6! I'm not a believer, but the sentiment is still very welcome.
Dropoff this afternoon was its own kind of comedy. S2 knocked and I opened the door with my neighbour by my side. I should add that she is the female half of a married couple we spent a lot of time with during our marriage, and she is a close friend of mine who knows absolutely everything about my situation.
Before I even had the door all the way open, S2 said "Mama, where's OW?"
There was a supremely long and awkward silence. I took S2's bag and tried to hustle him in.
Then he said "Where did OW go?"... Groan! XH said nothing. I quickly looked at XH's car in case she was inside, but I can't be sure if she was there or not. It would take some b@lls for him to bring his affair partner to an exchange at my house!
I said "I don't know, S2, but we don't need to talk about OW. Let's go inside."
We shut the door before anything further could be said.
S2 seemed quiet and very tired and just wanted me to cuddle him. This happens most Sundays, so I'm going to guess that XH doesn't put him down for a nap after lunch like I do. Which is OK, one day without a nap won't harm him, but he tends to be out of sorts for the rest of the evening, which makes it a bit harder on me.
My neighbour and I chatted for a bit. She reckoned OW must have moved in so they could be together during quarantine and I said yeah, probably. She also guessed that XH would be palming off the parenting to OW and said at least there's another person caring for S2 while he's visiting. Which is true, but it's hard for me to stomach this person playing mother to the child whose family she helped break up.
A few minutes later, my neighbour asked S2 (completely at random) who changed his nappies at Dad's house? Without any context or prompting, he said OW. As we were chatting, I realised that I shouldn't dictate whether S2 talks about OW or not, as I want him to trust that he can talk to me about anything in the world. So even though it was unpleasant for me, I asked him if he had fun with OW, and if she was nice, etc. I really wanted to say "she's not nice!".
But I don't ever want S2 to feel uneasy or unsafe at his dad's place, so I won't.
And at the end of the day, OW is not the one who broke up our family. XH is.
