Trying to salvage the situation

[BeChange]

Thanks so much for the quick replies. A little more about me:

I'm 41, reasonably attractive, fit, and very easygoing. She is beautiful (objectively), has more of a temper, and is definitely more emotional. In many ways, we balance each other out quite well and always have. We both work full-time, stable jobs and balance childcare and household duties. If anything, I take on more of the childcare and work around the house while she is definitely the household manager.

To answer some of the questions:

What did "good" look like--as a couple did you go out and have fun, date, romance, sex weekly? Did you do something on Valentine's Day (e.g., as simple as dinner out or a gift of flowers or chocolates)?

We had fun together and enjoy being around each other. With the two young kids, we didn't go out as much as both of us are generally pretty tired. She especially falls asleep early, especially during the week, which limited the amount of time we spend together. We were not at weekly sex for the past several months - more like 2x a month or so - but we were able to get away for a weekend in January that seemed to go really great and where we had sex multiple times throughout the weekend. I try to at least show some level of affection just about every day - kisses and hugs here and there, shoulder and foot rubs, reaching to hold her hand, etc. She has never initiated as much on that front, but she is often the one who initiates sex when we have it (mainly because I can't really do it if she's already sleeping at night).

I got her a nice bouquet of flowers and a thoughtful card for Valentine's Day, which is along the lines of what I typically do (neither of us is huge on the holiday).

we didn't get to talk much while she was away because she was so busy.

What does that mean? Even assuming 12 hour shifts and 8 hours of sleep there's downtime. How much did she talk to you and the kids while she was away? If she wasn't spending it talking to you, did she tell you anything about who she spent her downtime with and what she did while she was away? A "sudden" change while away for weeks doing something meaningful but stressful with no parents or kids could indicate a mid-life crisis or an affair. Has her interactions with the kids changed since returning? Note, I am not asking you to ask her any questions now! Just asking what you already know to better understand your situation.

She was working longer than 12-hour days and had almost literally no down time (I know that to be true). We generally texted back and forth multiple times during the day just about every day - sometimes with me sending cute pictures of the kids, sometimes talking about the pandemic, sometimes with quick I love yous. We didn't talk on the phone or facetime as much, but we were able to do that with me and with the kids about 2-3 times each week.

Since she's been back, she's been working almost constantly, which has left little time for much of anything else. I'm still responsible for everything at home while she works, which is fine, but it has limited the interactions.

everything wasn't okay and that she had decided while she was gone that she didn't want to be married to me anymore.

Oof. I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sure it'll get rougher before it gets better, but for most of us it does get better. Hang in there! If you celebrate, try to focus on the joy of the upcoming Easter and your kids. Your kids' joy of this holiday isn't dependent on you and your wife's relationship.

Thank you! We have good stuff ready to go for them...