Giving her space and NOT pleading, NOT asking her to define the relationship, NOT asking what's next, etc. is great because you're not making things worse as you decide on next steps.
Originally Posted by BeChange
Before she left, everything seemed to be good.
What did "good" look like--as a couple did you go out and have fun, date, romance, sex weekly? Did you do something on Valentine's Day (e.g., as simple as dinner out or a gift of flowers or chocolates)?
Originally Posted by BeChange
While we'd had some issues in the past, particularly from a sexual perspective with an ED issue, those appeared to be in the past, really stopping before our 2 year old was born.
If that's been a non-issue for two years, and the BD seemed out-of-the-blue, let's focus elsewhere.
Originally Posted by BeChange
we didn't get to talk much while she was away because she was so busy.
What does that mean? Even assuming 12 hour shifts and 8 hours of sleep there's downtime. How much did she talk to you and the kids while she was away? If she wasn't spending it talking to you, did she tell you anything about who she spent her downtime with and what she did while she was away? A "sudden" change while away for weeks doing something meaningful but stressful with no parents or kids could indicate a mid-life crisis or an affair. Has her interactions with the kids changed since returning? Note, I am not asking you to ask her any questions now! Just asking what you already know to better understand your situation.
Originally Posted by BeChange
everything wasn't okay and that she had decided while she was gone that she didn't want to be married to me anymore.
Oof. I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sure it'll get rougher before it gets better, but for most of us it does get better. Hang in there! If you celebrate, try to focus on the joy of the upcoming Easter and your kids. Your kids' joy of this holiday isn't dependent on you and your wife's relationship.
