~j~ I journaled late last night & it didn't post. Oh well.

Keeping the focus me & D3. Keeping somewhat of a routine helps. And as much as I try to not care what 00 is up too, especially when he at headquarters (the garage) my curiousity gets the best of me.

Recently I've heard things... that make me think, things might not be so green in fantasy land. And how could they? 00 has been with his family in lockdown for almost a month. (actually he's been here a month now since his return). Any way...Two nights of heated discussions and another yesterday morning. 00 was drained yesterday morning. He spent a few long hours in headquarters. I was doing wash & had to go in, he looked defeated. There could be a number of reasons.....

When he did resurface, he coordinated getting us a food delivery. D3 & I had a lazy day, chores day, but we did a few things. Much later, when we were all inside, 00 comes out with a new face. Clean shaven. He's had facial hair for many months. Usually he cleans up before returning to work. D3 noticed. I pretended not to notice. In fact I avoided looking altogether. He tried making small talk, I nodded, but just kept doing my thing.

Much later, there were no late night calls at the regular time. I know I shouldn't care, but I need to know what's going on. Why? Good question. I can't ask him! Why do I want to know? I still care. I do realize it may be crazy to still care, but I do! I've been making myself feel good for me, dressing nice for me, and knowing something is up makes me feel great. It may be a false sense of security in a way, but I always carry a small shread of hope that things could go differently.

Am I crazy?

~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever