I am going to try to make this simple. Let him get his stuff and get the h*ll out of there. Go absolutely 100% NC unless it's about D. He will either like his new life or he may look back and realize what he gave up. You have absolutely no control over it.
Listen to me when I say he 100% thinks he's doing the right thing and could care 2 $hits about you. Then can and probably will change many years down the road.
There are no tricks, gimmicks, protocols to shorten the process. Time and space are your allies.
Last edited by job; 04/11/2001:14 PM. Reason: edited language
I am going to try to make this simple. Let him get his stuff and get the hell out of there. Go absolutely 100% NC unless it's about D. He will either like his new life or he may look back and realize what he gave up. You have absolutely no control over it.
Listen to me when I say he 100% thinks he's doing the right thing and could care 2 $hits about you. Then can and probably will change many years down the road.
There are no tricks, gimmicks, protocols to shorten the process. Time and space are your allies.
Thank you.... ugh...
My MIL has been texting a lot this week... She asked to me help in regards to someone pet's... I told her I would post on our business FB page. So I did.
I went to her page to make sure I had tagged her... F ME... She threw him a bday party for his 48 and OW and her adult children were there...
Why in the world is she maintaining contact with ME if she is having parties with H and OW???
I don't have years... I have 1 year to turn this around. Its not going to happen.
LH you are right he doesn't give 2 SH*TS about me. Why am I so stupid?
You're not stupid. You built a life together that meant a lot to you. It's hard to let that go. I would get rid of Facebook at least for awhile. I would also let your MIL know that you need space right now.
A year is simply not enough time for him to discover that his new life is all rainbows and sunshine.
I am really sorry you are going through this right now.
You're not stupid. You built a life together that meant a lot to you. It's hard to let that go. I would get rid of Facebook at least for awhile. I would also let your MIL know that you need space right now.
A year is simply not enough time for him to discover that his new life is all rainbows and sunshine.
I am really sorry you are going through this right now.
Thank you for your support.
I know his mother is a busy body. I just hoped that when she said she was praying for me/us that it meant she was hoping we could find a solution for our M.
Ultimately I guess she was just being nosey about my end of things since she is around his end of things so much. But the party with OW was a smack in the face. H is determined to get out of my life, our life and he has her in his kids lives and his extended families.
I ache so much.
I should just give him the D and be done with it.
He has shown NO sign of wavering on his end... no temp checking... He is 100% checked out.
I feel like I'm a fool... not a woman a man would be a fool to leave. I know all I can do is work on myself. I know my H - he has already proposed... already talking M with her as soon as he is D and is moving her into his new home.
Could I have been a bigger idiot.
Seriously - I love all the support I've gotten here. Everyone has been a gem while I went through my rollercoaster ride.. but I have to face reality that my time at the amusement park is over.
Today is a new day and I'm sorry you have a headache. Could it be that the headache is stress related? You've had a lot going on at work and at home this week.
I am going to suggest that you try not to over analyze every word or action he takes. The more you try to do this, the more upset and annoyed you will get. Right now, he's a very unhappy man and he thinks that the rainbow across the street is going to provide him his freedom and make his life easier. Maybe it will and maybe it won't...but you can't control the outcome for him...but you can control your outcome and face anything that is thrown your way.
As for your MIL, I would limit my contact w/her. She may be fishing for info and then again maybe not...but whatever the reason...limit the contact and when she asks for help again w/a pet, refer her to someone else or another web page on the interest...but get yourself out of the loop w/her for the time being. I know you want to help..but right now, the only person that needs your assistance is you. Could your MIL be trying to connect w/you because of what she has on FB? Maybe she wants to fish to see if you've seen her postings. Whatever the reason, distance yourself from her as much as possible. Blood is thicker than water.
As for FB, I wouldn't be on that unless it was to connect w/your side of the family and friends. Otherwise, radio silence for a while.
From this day forward, I would not say another word to your h about you needing your space...actions speak louder than words. Just don't respond to his text messages...silence is golden. He fired you as a wife and companion. Time for him to man up and do the necessary work.
Tomorrow...hold your head up, back straight, and dress nicely. You want to do these things to bring that confidence level up and let it shine for all to see. Keep your expectations at zero at all times. KK, you can do this. Once he's gotten his stuff, there should be no reason and/or excuse for him to return there. If he contacts you after removing all of his stuff, then just say when I have time, I'll look for it. Nothing says you have to jump through hoops for him.
It may take a long time before the euphoria of his new life to come to an end, but no matter what happens...you will be okay. You are a strong and intelligent woman and you will get through this.
Try to have a good day and stay safe. Hope you feel better soon.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm so sorry for how you're feeling today. I wouldn't wish some of the feelings all of us have on my worst enemy...they are so rough. I think I know how you feel: there are some moments, for me few and far between, where I think I've gotten a handle on it, and there are so many others where I don't, and I want things back the way they were and I want that right now. Of course, I agree with what the vets are telling you: I think with everything happening right now you need to pull back hard, focus completely on you, and don't engage with FB and your MIL. During my recent contact with my husband, it was beyond painful to focus myself on keeping it light, but I did. Go into tomorrow doing your best to look great and act relaxed, and don't have any expectations. Get through it and don't engage.
I'm thinking of you.
I'm 40, H is 36. No kids. No infidelity of which I'm aware. Mini BD January 2020 -- not sure if he wants to try anymore BD March 2020 -- separation
Today is a new day and I'm sorry you have a headache. Could it be that the headache is stress related? You've had a lot going on at work and at home this week.
Yes - and probably side effect of AD's I started taking since BD so I wasn't CRYING in front of H.
Quote
I am going to suggest that you try not to over analyze every word or action he takes. The more you try to do this, the more upset and annoyed you will get. Right now, he's a very unhappy man and he thinks that the rainbow across the street is going to provide him his freedom and make his life easier. Maybe it will and maybe it won't...but you can't control the outcome for him...but you can control your outcome and face anything that is thrown your way.
I can only control myself. I am in control of my reactions to anything H throws at me.
He is certainly emanating that he is happy about so many things... cooking more... have more social time with friends... reconnecting with friends...
I get it. He felted trapped here. He was isolated. I became that reason for the feelings of being trapped and isolated and now those are no more... he if free and he is happy. With the extra free time with not working he is building stronger relationship with his parents.
I'm over here looking less and less attractive.
Quote
As for your MIL, I would limit my contact w/her. She may be fishing for info and then again maybe not...but whatever the reason...limit the contact and when she asks for help again w/a pet, refer her to someone else or another web page on the interest...but get yourself out of the loop w/her for the time being. I know you want to help..but right now, the only person that needs your assistance is you. Could your MIL be trying to connect w/you because of what she has on FB? Maybe she wants to fish to see if you've seen her postings. Whatever the reason, distance yourself from her as much as possible. Blood is thicker than water.
Hopefully MIL will cool down texting. I'm sure H saw that she was tagged in my post from my business about this pet??? Probably asked if we had had contact?
Last Tuesday night he stated that his parents were hurt because I did not want them at my house - who knows what he actually said to them? But I clarified to H is was the circumstance and NOT that I did not like his parents.
While I contacted MIL to let them know I was thinking about them in regards to virus... I did not mention H or that H told me they were feeling hurt by me. I thought by letting them know I was thinking of them that was enough for them to know I felt no ill will.
MIL still wants to come to S18 graduation - though that has been cancelled due to C19, but asked about a party down the road for him.
Quote
As for FB, I wouldn't be on that unless it was to connect w/your side of the family and friends. Otherwise, radio silence for a while.
I had been avoiding but there was some very important family stuff going on - that is our group "message" area.
Quote
From this day forward, I would not say another word to your h about you needing your space...actions speak louder than words. Just don't respond to his text messages...silence is golden. He fired you as a wife and companion. Time for him to man up and do the necessary work.
Most likely can't get all his stuff on Sunday... but will do my best not to engage.
Quote
Tomorrow...hold your head up, back straight, and dress nicely. You want to do these things to bring that confidence level up and let it shine for all to see. Keep your expectations at zero at all times. KK, you can do this. Once he's gotten his stuff, there should be no reason and/or excuse for him to return there. If he contacts you after removing all of his stuff, then just say when I have time, I'll look for it. Nothing says you have to jump through hoops for him.
Yes - as soon as I am off work I will be going home to concentrate making the home the best it can be... and figuring out what I should wear that will look the best. Looking for something he has not seen me wear in a long time! I will leave my ring on. I'm still committed to the M even though he is not. I know at some point I will have to remove it.
Step Son overseas continued to talk and asked if I was still willing to help with reduced/free tickets for airline travel to get back home once he is stateside --- I said of course!!! I told him he could contact me whenever for whatever always. He stated he appreciated that.
I just texted back just a few days ago overhearing S18 online connecting with his friends since we are all under quarantine about his "Step B who is in military... some story of the two of them at the kitchen table discussing something" . I just let him know the memory made me smile. I realized that there were tough times in a blended family but happy that the positive ones are what we typically walk away with.
SS20 knows that I'm sad too over his dad. But that as long as his dad feels that this is what he wants there is nothing I can do about it. He stated he knows.
I feel relaxed that SS20 knows he can reach out to me if he needs anything. Right before BD he was in touch regularly with help with his taxes... he doesn't contact his mom over that ... or his dad... but every year he contacts me about help with his taxes. :-)
As for your MIL, I would limit my contact w/her. She may be fishing for info and then again maybe not...but whatever the reason...limit the contact and when she asks for help again w/a pet, refer her to someone else or another web page on the interest...but get yourself out of the loop w/her for the time being. I know you want to help..but right now, the only person that needs your assistance is you. Could your MIL be trying to connect w/you because of what she has on FB? Maybe she wants to fish to see if you've seen her postings. Whatever the reason, distance yourself from her as much as possible. Blood is thicker than water.
My MIL doesn't post things on FB... Its a struggle for her.
My H posted all the pictures that were taken... tagged her so it showed up on her wall... tagged OW and her adult kids.
I didn't wish him happy bday.
He posted all this at 1am the day after his bday. I'm sure he checked to see if I was still friends on FB with his mother... THANK GOODNESS... that didn't show up in my feed. I only found it accidentally. I have make 100% point of NOT checking his or OW FB accounts... I stay clear.
I have no way of knowing if he checks out my FB. I'm private but will from time to time make things public. Not that I'm trying to play games but if he looks he needs to know I have a life. I may only make one public post every 2 weeks or so... so there is very little to glean from FB.
I know I am WAY over analyzing... All this means is that he is going on with his life. At the very least his mother threw the Bday party and it wasn't OW doing it.
UGH... hanging head... I'm putting to much of my time into him... he isn't even wasting a single breath on me.
