Thanks Sandi/AS, that's a really valid point. We've skirted over feelings for OM to be honest but some of it I can see was probably a bit too much to validate - they would mainly include things that he's said or done that she liked. At the time she was wanting to tell me things she thought were missing from our interaction in the M and hence she was getting outside the M. Some of the things W has said during those conversations (like how difficult it is to "turn her back on OM") have been quite unreasonable and have made me quite angry, but I haven't risen to the bait and have just been calm and collected because it's her emotions talking. My instinct during those times has been to walk away when the conversation was unreasonable but I've not felt that would be helpful as W is opening up at those times and I'd rather hear it than not.
I think W is finally sorting her head out, but it's on her own terms. She has started a blog where she is writing about doing what is right, "sorting her mess out", self healing and following your head and your dreams, not your emotions. She's booked IC and has suggested I do the same and would like to do MC after that. And she's been messaging me saying she misses me and would like to wake up beside me. W's IC has suggested she doesn't see anyone (aside from parents living with) for a few weeks (until her first app), so she can take time for herself and not make any fast decisions. That's quite easy with coronavirus lockdown anyway. She's offered me her IC's details if I want to ring to check, I haven't. IC told her sharing passwords "sounds like controlling behaviour". W said herself though that she's done a lot of stupid things and regretted them (like resuming contact with OM) and she didn't trust herself. I said if she can't trust herself, how does she expect me to trust her without being transparent. She's also written "the letter" as I requested but it's on pause until she sees IC and is "better equipped for what will follow". I've made it clear I would need to see and approve it. W also says she is reducing communication with OM. It seems to me that W has a plan of getting over OM and getting on with her life, and she said "I'll take help from wherever I can get it because I can't keep living like this and want to move forward with the M". Sceptical of the whole situation and I've no control over what she does and have zero expectations, but that's where we are. I imagine you'll all tell me I should be entirely detaching and letting her come running back?
