Okay - not my job to carry convo. My silence speaks more??? I was afraid it made me look bitter?
He doesn't like to be around you right now. May even be repulsed. That's what you're dealing with for the time being. Think about someone you can't stand to be around that wants to go out with you, picture them in your mind trying to start conversations with you all the time, put themselves in front of you. You would HATE it, right? All that desperation and neediness is NOT ATTRACTIVE. THAT is how your H feels right now. I am sure that hurts to hear, but what we keep telling you is it CAN and WILL change with time. It's a temporary thing. But it will be that way for months and months. Until then you really should avoid convos, avoid being around him, avoid texting, avoid phone calls. That is the ONLY way he will ever learn to miss you.
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My concern is that maybe he has more contempt and anger because "I'm not letting him go" as he stated on the phone the other day. Wearing my ring is showing I have hope the M can be saved and he is adament it cannot be saved.... it's done. If he saw my ring off... he might wonder where I'm at? he might be curious.
He is completely right, you're not letting him go. You are desperately clinging, hoping beyond hope that he will change his mind. And you want him to change it NOW, not later. All your words, actions and behavior are telling him this. So if you take the ring off guess what he will think? "Ha, so predictable, trying yet another trick to try and get me to change my mind. Look at her staring at me, waiting for a reaction. She wants so bad for me to ask why she took it off. She's so pathetic." SO LEAVE IT ON.
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Isn't that the same as dressing nicely, make up and perfume... you are trying to evoke a response. That's not a trick correct?
It depends on your motivation. If you do it for YOU then it's not tricks. If you do it for HIM then it's tricks. And he will absolutely know the difference.
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I should have NOT said this but I did share with him on the phone earlier this week that "you should know I had plans for you, me and that bike this summer... its hard to see it go"
Tricks.
Well that was down right honesty... I had plans. I failed to share them with H before BD... I was waiting for nicer weather and say 'hey, let's go here'.
Truth or not, why bring it up NOW of all times? Because it's tricks (or call it "techniques" if you find the word tricks offensive). Please see it for what it is. Please try to understand your motivations and above all, quit justifying things that you should not be doing!
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UGH... its hard enough to focus on months... let alone years. You feel he may take years?
It was for me. It was about 3 years before my XW started warming up again and sending signals she might be interested in recon. I however, was not. So I never let it go anywhere. But it might be less for you, or it might be never. I wish we could tell you what to expect but we just can't. I'm going to post some lines from the movie Swingers that really nails it. You have to let him go before he'll want to come back. And not PRETEND to let him go, but really let him go. And when you do, you may not want him back. That's the irony.
