The only dumb move all day was asking for a ride on the bike.
That's pretty blatant pursuit. Just keep in mind that whenever you say/ do something like that you go right back to the beginning line of your marathon. It wipes out all the progress you've been working on. Why? Because you are basically telling him "I am still Plan B, ready and waiting for a sign from you." We all do stuff like that early on, but after you touch the stove a few times and burn the crud out of yourself you develop a distaste for it.
Back to square one??? OUCH... Double OUCH. I didn't let it phase me. I was good either way, but hopeful I guess. But, he didn't even look up or acknowledged that I asked anything. He didn't say NO... he just ignored me. I suppose that's worse? Internally he was probably rolling his eyes. Yes - it was a dumb desperate move.
He is 100% checked out and just wants his stuff.
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Yes, hopefully we can continue to chat like we did yesterday. Though we covered lots of stuff I'm a little worried that we will run out of safe things to say?
Then don't say anything. I get the sense that despite everything we've told you, you're still clinging to the hope that you can win him back through nice conversations. You can't. Nothing is going to bring him back anytime soon, please accept that. Months or years from now maybe. But not right now.
Okay - not my job to carry convo. My silence speaks more??? I was afraid it made me look bitter?
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He is absolutely not going to think "oh wow she's so nice and so much fun to be around, forget all this, we need to get back together!" STICK TO BUSINESS. Quit trying to "nice" him back. We keep telling you this, you keep saying you're not, then you post things that clearly indicate that is exactly what you're trying to do.
UGH... its hard because when I'm "tough" he gets vindictive... and "tough" doesn't come easy to me. I am a nice person.
[quote]My biggest question for Sunday ---- Should I wear my ring??? I haven't taken it off and I'm certain he saw it yesterday still on my finger. Should he notice its not there??? I mean he was complaining and lashing out that I was not "letting him go". Would not seeing my ring on move his thoughts in a different direction.
Quit trying to use tricks to "snap him out of it". Again, it won't work! Wear it or don't wear it because it's your personal choice, not because you're trying to elicit a response.
My concern is that maybe he has more contempt and anger because "I'm not letting him go" as he stated on the phone the other day. Wearing my ring is showing I have hope the M can be saved and he is adament it cannot be saved.... it's done. If he saw my ring off... he might wonder where I'm at? he might be curious.
Isn't that the same as dressing nicely, make up and perfume... you are trying to evoke a response. That's not a trick correct?
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I should have NOT said this but I did share with him on the phone earlier this week that "you should know I had plans for you, me and that bike this summer... its hard to see it go"
Tricks.
Well that was down right honesty... I had plans. I failed to share them with H before BD... I was waiting for nicer weather and say 'hey, let's go here'.
But, I know it comes off a too little too late in his eyes.. manipulation to keep him with me. But I think calling it a trick was harsh?
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I texted him a simple "email done". It would have been nice if he said - thank you, got it, ok... any one of those but you know what? After hounding me for 24hr... I got nothing. Selfish H got what he desperately needed so I can go crawl in a hole and be forgotten now.
That is exactly his attitude right now, which is why we keep telling you to stop trying to "nice" him back. You just look like a doormat when you do.
Yes... I'm trying my best to not be a doormat. I don't answer every single text. I don't respond to those that don't require a response. I am NEVER the one to initiate the texts or calls.
Sure, it doesn't keep me from hoping he feels my absence.
Will continue to work on my NICENESS issues.
UGH... its hard enough to focus on months... let alone years. You feel he may take years? I am giving him 1 year. Once D is final there will be no going back for me. I have managed what I felt were real deal breakers for me... working through a PA is difficult enough and if he really did the work to return to me I'm open. Once our D is final... the door is closed.
