Things have been going really well over the last 2 weeks. Much better communication. I have continued to improve myself and regained mental stability and confidence. Detachment and validation have been a godsend for me. I am so thankful to have all the resources this board provides. These 2 skills alone have helped me avoid jumping back in to the death spiral we have been in for a long time.
Lately, she has brought up topics of "if we can work things out". Thinking about some of the things that have made our current situation difficult and discussing potential plans for the future.
Over the last week, W has initiated time together and phone conversations regularly. She's even started to come to me for support when stressed like she used to. Yesterday, she sought me out to process a very stressful work situation. Last night, she confided in me about some very difficult things she's dealing with emotionally. We talked for about 2 hours and it was very positive.
This morning I was picking S up from her place so she could do a little work from home. She offered to make a full pot of coffee so we could all hang out for a little bit before I left with him. I woke late and arrived later than planned. She went into a rage about this. Went straight to cancelling plans for the day/weekend. Rewriting how things have been for the last month. Felt like S was rejecting her. It really felt like a setback. I apologized for being late I told her she needed to talk calmly to me, especially in front of our son and that I would not fight with her. She said bye to S, and I left. This is where detachment and validation come in. I had to fight very hard with myself to not text or call her to try and repair and get things back "how they were." I just went home and played with S. She asked for an update on him and I responded. Continued to give space. A few minutes ago, she texted me saying she was very sorry about her reaction and knew that her interpretation of my being late was wrong. She talked about some of the things she was feeling and stated she knew they were irrational. I thanked her for the apology and just validated her feelings. Whether or not our weekend plans resume, I don't know. I will see her one way or another later today when she picks up S. I'm hopeful continued detachment and validation will stop us from going back into that horrible cycle. I'm thankful to this community for giving me the skills to pull myself out of it. In the past I would have gotten drawn into a fight then pursued her to repair things. It's so difficult to stop myself from pursuing her, but it has allowed her the space to see things more clearly and move toward me.
We have a long journey ahead of us and I don't know how it will end. DB-ing has helped me stop worrying about the destination and focus on each individual footstep. I don't know how this all ends, but I can make the right decisions/actions moment to moment.
