I'm a little concerned it was a false victory? He needed something VERY BADLY from me. He had no way of getting this mortgage to closing without this affidavit. He was forced into cooperation.
Try not to see anything as a victory or defeat. You're separating and dividing assets, no one wins and everyone loses something. One thing that is very hard for many people to accept in separation and divorce is that no one is legally "made whole".
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The only dumb move all day was asking for a ride on the bike.
That's pretty blatant pursuit. Just keep in mind that whenever you say/ do something like that you go right back to the beginning line of your marathon. It wipes out all the progress you've been working on. Why? Because you are basically telling him "I am still Plan B, ready and waiting for a sign from you." We all do stuff like that early on, but after you touch the stove a few times and burn the crud out of yourself you develop a distaste for it.
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Yes, hopefully we can continue to chat like we did yesterday. Though we covered lots of stuff I'm a little worried that we will run out of safe things to say?
Then don't say anything. I get the sense that despite everything we've told you, you're still clinging to the hope that you can win him back through nice conversations. You can't. Nothing is going to bring him back anytime soon, please accept that. Months or years from now maybe. But not right now.
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I'm hoping by working together to get things out of the attic and into the truck we might have a little fun and laugh a bit?
He is absolutely not going to think "oh wow she's so nice and so much fun to be around, forget all this, we need to get back together!" STICK TO BUSINESS. Quit trying to "nice" him back. We keep telling you this, you keep saying you're not, then you post things that clearly indicate that is exactly what you're trying to do.
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My biggest question for Sunday ---- Should I wear my ring??? I haven't taken it off and I'm certain he saw it yesterday still on my finger. Should he notice its not there??? I mean he was complaining and lashing out that I was not "letting him go". Would not seeing my ring on move his thoughts in a different direction.
Quit trying to use tricks to "snap him out of it". Again, it won't work! Wear it or don't wear it because it's your personal choice, not because you're trying to elicit a response.
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I thought I'd have some chicken and noodles going in the crockpot? Its an easy low stress thing to make and while it cooks for several hours it will fill the house with a scent that will make you hungry... so in case he does end up in the house... it smells good. Is this something I should do?
Tricks.
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I should have NOT said this but I did share with him on the phone earlier this week that "you should know I had plans for you, me and that bike this summer... its hard to see it go"
Tricks.
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I texted him a simple "email done". It would have been nice if he said - thank you, got it, ok... any one of those but you know what? After hounding me for 24hr... I got nothing. Selfish H got what he desperately needed so I can go crawl in a hole and be forgotten now.
That is exactly his attitude right now, which is why we keep telling you to stop trying to "nice" him back. You just look like a doormat when you do.
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I'm dealing with my need to please him... to be nice to him... to be accepted by him.
Frankly I miss him and still love him - so I'm dealing with that too.
DB'ing is hard because it's counter-intuitive. Your heart and mind are telling you to do things that are actually harmful to your situation. You've got to quit listening to your inner voice and really try to embrace DB'ing. I know it's hard. I've been there, Job has, we all have. We get it! But it's your best chance.
