I'm bothered by some of the stories here. Wandered over the newcomers to check up on someone and left shaking my head. Some stories on this side worry me specifically about dating and money. I worry that people are making their lives sound greater than they are somehow. Yes I have trust issues.
At a year out I'm still in pain and sad. He's on my mind pretty much all the time. His face has faded from my brain (8 months NC). I ruminate quite a bit remembering how lonely I was when I was with him (it helps). Sometimes the OW pops in my thoughts and I deal with that by remembering who she's getting. I imagine since H thinks I'm the problem he won't evolve so she will get the same man I had. Besides change is difficult and PAINFUL which is why most people don't do it. My changes have been at a snails pace yet I've already outgrown him.
There is more fun in my life now and I'm calmer. I laugh more, hug more, get more I love you's from my kids, they say I'm a better mom now. I stay busy, cling to these moments and try to have faith that one day I'll detach and reach indifference. I try to focus on the positives and gratitude (this helps a lot).
The triggers/anxiety are tough. H telling the kids to tell me something (I don't need your help go away). Me fretting that he's going to drive by while I'm outside. I've caught him a few times and OMG go another way. My next house is going to be in a cove. Me hearing that he's never home and imagining the fun he's having without me. Just seeing his signature on the support checks gives me a hit of pain.
This is where I am one year from when he moved out.
