why is it so hard when someone is venting at you to come up with such magic on your own!
It takes practice. Validation is magic because it's not our natural response. It takes effort to silence our default response, pause, and consider a validating response. I mention the video, the thread, and the book because I turned to those repeatedly. I practiced on my teenager and co-workers.
It doesn't help that your ex--like many you want to validate--placed "barbs" in those statements maybe intended to get a reaction from you. E.g., he probably wanted you to worry you'd upset his parents.
