Pharm75, I usually hang out at MLC forum, but check in here sometimes. Please take care of yourself. Do you have family? Can you join other support groups on FB or elsewhere? Can you find a way to volunteer to help you with your mental state? It may be a risk for you to step out, but you can do some possible online volunteering. Check out some ways to get out of your own head.
Read, watch movies or TV, search for inspirational things to read... but please stop even internally begging for him to change his mind. The more R talks you try to have the further away he will get. I know it's so very hard. Please try to reconnect with who you were before you met him. Maybe a journal where you can vent your fears. Start listening to your own mind and heart. At least in the US, we can get a library card and download books via Kindle app and read for free. Try that too.
Just stop clinging on to him and if being his "Friend" is making it too hard to let him go, then yes, stop being his friend. Be a good roommate, but don't spend too much time fantasizing about how it used to be. It's tough for me. I've been with my H for 24 years married for 21.5 and we have 2 beautiful teenagers. We still share the same house, but for all intents we are roommates.
Try as much as you can to do SC or NC. Be good to yourself. Blessings
W (me): 50 H: 46 M: 21 T: 25 S:17 D:15 BD 11/2019
Fate whispers to the warrior, "You can not withstand the storm" And the warrior whispers back, "I am the storm." ~Unknown
