Peace and joy continue to beckon

[Believe6]

Hello Grace


Trust. Have you ever rebuild trust with someone? A work colleague, friends, parent, whomever. I suspect you have, like I suspect most of us have.

I too have thought about trust. I also have experienced declines in trust and the effort in re-establishing trust in work relationships. Respect also plays a part in this growth.

Regaining trust is possible. I think the problem is we get mixed up with trust vs innocence.

My XW betrayed me pretty brutally; like happened to lots of folks around here. I do believe I could find trust with her again. It would take work on both sides. Like at work - a consistent demonstrable behaviour leads to (re)building a trusting relationship. (I’m actually currently dealing with a subordinate on this very issue).

XW and I, would we ever have that innocence again? Hmmmm.

I see the naive trust we had pre-BD. It was more child-like; it hadn’t had any crazy huge rifts or problems to survive. If she ever turned back, and wanted to do the work, our new trust would be a different kind. One where it is chosen. Not so much innocent, more mature.

Maybe that trust would be stronger. It would take her to acknowledge her actions, have true remorse, and really change. Similar on my side to regain her trust in me. In that effort, respect would be gained as well.

I think that is the key to a new relationship. Not innocence, that is not a priority. Trust and respect, that is the priority. That’s the priority for our “next” relationship. Everyone gives that advice; don’t settle for someone who doesn’t respect you. We are worthy of trust and respect.

It’s just your “next” relationship might be with H. It’s a new relationship, and it’s going to be based on trust and respect.

A few key points I see. A person has to trust themselves, before they can trust another. Not a problem for you. H has work to do. He has been untrustworthy, needs to change his views, and trust that he has.

Forgiveness. Each has to forgive the other and themselves. We must let go the past and look to the future. Not ignore the past, just not hang on to it. Grudges will just get in the way.

And of course this takes the effort of two people committed to choosing and working towards it.

Rebuilding, forging new, takes time. I believe it is possible.

Just my two cents.

DnJ

Grace, As usual, DnJ is right on. Trusting first in ourselves. It seems you've done the work so continue to believe and trust in that work... plus the faith in God, which you have in spades.

I continue to be amazed at the power and strength of those of us who continue to walk this path of the LBS. Even when we make mis-steps, which we are bound to do. Even when we are lost which can be often and even when our MLCer confuses us by doing things we don't expect.

But I think God does that for us too... sends us messages from people in our lives reminding us that sometimes the love we gave isn't misplaced. It may not be what we were expecting or what we can "trust" in right now, but it's there none the less. If we can believe that God uses people to send us miracles, hope, and light... then why can't that come from an MLCer... it's like for a moment, God's light was in them and they do something so out of character, so unexpected that we know it can't have been from their current state of mind. So maybe it is an angel or God reaching through them to us.

I'd like to think that... I'd like to believe that their true God nature can shine through even when it is most dark in them. Even when they are so lost we don't know if they will ever be found...

I'd like to believe.. even if for just a moment that God is truly doing the work we've all be wishing and praying for and you got a glimpse of that from the gift... Sending you light, love and blessings!

Oh and DnJ-- whatever you are doing to impart such wisdom, such hope... please keep doing it. We need it. We all need it. Blessings!