(I figured I would post a new thread since the other one I did a while back is 3 pages to shift through. It's been a while since I have posted and I am still a newbie here. I stopped reading the boards etc with the stress of other things (quarantine, work stuff) but I am back.)
Hello everyone. Been a few weeks. Since I posted last, I found out husband was deploying because of the coronavirus. Now he is on standby.
I LOST it when I found out. I was angry and acted as such, I was devastated and acted as such. Bawled for an entire day. At one poi t I asked for a hug because I was just so upset and scared I wouldnt see him again (hes a heavy smoker and I was worried he would get the virus and well.. I was being irrational. I asked him did it bother him that I hugged him and I am crying and his voice cracked a bit and he said no and "you think all this doesnt effect me?"
Since then we got a long much better. We still fight as always but not the all out wars like a few weeks ago. We even hung out and went to Home Depot. Big improvement. But when I mentioned "us" like I knew I shouldn't have... he was like, "stop. We are still getting divorced. I havent changed my mind. We dont work we dont get along it was too much strain and fighting... please stop bringing it up because I have to hurt you over and over and it's getting tiresome."
I guess he enjoys being friendly on his terms and that is working ok for him but for me its torture. I want him and I cannot have him. I get excited when we get along and then he reminds me we are friends nothing more.
what do you all think of this? I recently moved my couch from the living room into the room I have been sleeping in and made myself a pretty nice what feels like a studio apartment. I did this because it allows me more space and privacy.
Should I be distancing from him and doing no contact?
Or should I be playing it cool, pretending I expect nothing, getting hurt over and over deep down?
And for those who did tell me to GAL. Well, I picked up more hours at work. But I genuinely do not like my job at the moment. Also, I have no friends and worh the quarantine happening I cannot get out right now. I feel so depressed and this added global crisis is making it even more hard!
