Now I did do that. I stated "I'm sorry you think I'm being difficult" BUT it seems to p*ss him off. This has happened before when I think I'm really doing a great job of validating. He responds "thats because you are being that way". Is this a normal thing for them to do after validating??? It seems to escalate his anger rather than diffuse often times. That's when I stumble.
Hi KitCat, when we talk validation here, we're usually talking about feelings. In AnotherStander's examples he mentioned "frustration". He may also have felt "anger" or "disappointment". To validate feelings you usually need to have some idea where there's coming from. Validation is often disarming.
If you have 3 minutes, Google "Brene Brown Empathy" for a good intro to validation. If you have 30 minutes, there's a great thread on here. If you have more time I read "The Art of Listening". Full disclosure--Validation was not a magic bullet that saved my relationship but it defanged our most heated arguments.
Ok - so I should have said - "I'm sorry you are angry about me being difficult"???
That would have diffused and not make him angry like "I'm sorry you think I'm being difficult"?
