Job is the voice of reason in all this craziness Great advice!
Originally Posted by KitCat
I won't say I'm a little disappointed. Years to warm up to me?? We have NO children in common. We have no circle of friends in common. He ditched all mutual friends when he left. We will be living in 2 different towns.
Once our D is final... there will be no more communication. No reason to reach out.
Maybe that's why I'm being a jerk.
I have a year at most to turn this around...
We're giving you the tools to start turning things around, but you've got to start using them and stop all the harmful actions. Have you read Michele's chapter on cheeseless tunnels? You are that person with the tent, campfire and lawn chair set up at the entrance to the cheeseless tunnel, LOL! There ain't no cheese down there! You've got to start doing things differently if you want to initiate a change in your situation. I think Steve uses the analogy of turning a cruise ship. The turn doesn't happen instantly, it happens very slowly and takes a long time. But first you've got to give orders to the helm and engine room, and that's what we're trying to get you to do, take those first steps! You can't force him to change his mind on any particular timeline whether it's 6 months or a year or 10 years. He's on his own timeline. He'll get there faster if you quit interfering and just get out of his way. You think you have to SHOW him WHY he needs to recon, but it's the opposite, you need to leave him alone and let him come to that realization on his own. The more you try to show him the less he wants it.
EDIT- just saw your new post, sounds like a good plan. Be cordial, not cold. But do stick to business. No flirting, even though I know it will be tempting. He's not going to be responsive to that (or if he is, it'll be for the wrong reasons).
Great advice!