Glad to see you are back on the boards - especially if you find your anxiety spiking again.
I don't know if I've posted this to you before, so forgive me if I already have. Remember that WASes or MLCers are on a very extended timeline. So when you speak of 9 months, it really is a drop in the bucket for this thing - and it is very possible that the reason that your W is ill-informed on the process is because she still has no clue what she wants. My sit had been going on for 20 months. That I know of. And my W told me at BD that it had been nearly 1.5 years even before that that she had been "feeling differently". So take that into consideration.
Also - don't forget that this has no basis in logic. If you read your posts, you will see that you are rooted in logic - indeed you are the captain of logic here at DB: you want S, then we have S. You want D, we get D. I get L, you get L, we go to mediation, we sign the papers, we are done and we go our separate ways.
That's logic.
But W is not operating on logic. I think you can see that very clearly.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself: Do you find it odd that W has no clue what is going on? Why do you think that is? Is she behaving like the person you knew before all this went down? Do you think it is based out of spite or vindictiveness?
I say all that not to get you to change the outcome of your sit. It will be what it will be. But I say that to show that your anxiety is elevated because you are still quite attached. And making decisions quickly when you may not be ready for them is probably not going to help matters.
I dont know what the answer for you is, U - you'll have to figure that out for yourself. I know you need to worry about your finances and your kids, that obviously is top priority. But I would caution you to remember that your W is absolutely not thinking with the same logic and reasoning that you are. And I think understanding that will help you a lot going forward.
Food for thought...
Take care buddy - stay safe with all this craziness out there.
