Trying to give up OM.......? What does that mean? She used to text him XXXX times per day, but has cut back to XXX? That's not good enough. She has to go cold turkey. She can't taper off an addiction.
I realize that. And that is why when she came over to take the dog for a walk and asked if I wanted her to work over at my house to help with our D, I said no, you know where I stand on that. She knows I will not accept contact with the OM.
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Quote I just validated and said I can appreciate the fact that it is.
tired You men and your NGS! This is not the time to get soft. In her wayward mindset, that's how she'll see it.
What should I have said?
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Quote At the very least, I see slight progress.
Where? I see a WW who is tossing out a few apologies (without specifying what she did wrong), and then adds that she's trying to give up OM.....but it's hard. So.....none of it means a thing! When she gets serious, you'll know it.
I see progress because she has started IC and wrote a semi-good letter. It isn't perfect, but it is okay. I spoke with my IC who knows my W well from months of MC before and after BD, and he said the following about everything:
Based on knowing my wife and how guarded, defensive and f*ed up in the head right now:
-Graded the letter a B+. He said she does seem sorry but never mentions the OM or affair. She isn't there yet but does see her starting to turn a little. That it is a good sign she wrote it, he does believe she is sorry, but she hasn't apologized completely yet.
- By her saying she is trying to give him up is a sign, but not one I should even read into.
-He said my W is extremely insecure, probably due to her traumatic upbringing, so now she wants to see if it will work with me because she knows it is the right thing to do but she wants to keep the OM there in case it doesn't. He doesn't believe it is the other way around anymore due to some of the things she has said. Specifically, the other day when she told me she is scared to make it work with me because she is afraid I will tell her how to feel. She is afraid it will fail with me.
-He thinks her head is so f*ed up. That her head is spinning. She knows what is the right thing to do but doesn't know how to get there. So he is very happy she started IC to see if she can figure it out.
-When I mentioned filing for D, he said no way you aren't there. You haven't given this long enough of a chance to see f she will do the work necessary. He told me what I am doing; exercising, reading, going for walks, being in IC spending time with my D is the work I need to do. He told me to wait 4-6 months from the letter (April 1st).
