I found a package on the counter for me when I got home today. Well, I didn’t notice it until after the kids and I had dinner. I didn’t think that I ordered anything.
It was a gift from H. The note said: “Thought of you. Early Mother’s Day gift!” It is a nursing pendant – heart and angel with a prayer engraved on it. Boy, was I shocked.
I sent H a text message thanking him for it, and he responded that he was thinking of me, but if I didn’t want it I could return it. That made me a bit sad. Those ever present feelings of rejection must be a huge burden to carry. I assured him it was lovely, and told him how the message on it was timely today and told him why. (this was truth).
This on the same day I get a note from my attorney stating his attorney wants a copy of the draft settlement agreement so he can discuss it with my attorney. I had discussed it briefly with H over the phone over the weekend, and had told him I wasn’t so sure what I really wanted in it. That my attorney was strongly advising me to split all assets at this time. I told H I didn’t know I wanted to do that. Before I received the gift, I had emailed H what his attorney asked for, and asked him if he wanted to discuss it before the attorneys did. He hasn’t responded yet.
I’m o.k. as I mull this all over. Praying, and sitting quietly, waiting for God to guide me.
Originally Posted by OwnIt
Just remember to keep those expectations in check and try not to have a timeline in your mind.
Good reminder, OwnIt. I do tend to want to know things NOW, and learning to be patient and let events unfold has been a struggle more often than I care to admit. I believe I am in a good place now where the waiting doesn’t make me so very anxious.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Relationships are built upon trust. You are creating a new relationship with H, therefore are concerned about how he sees and trusts you.
Originally Posted by DnJ
For what it’s worth, I think your fear isn’t him reading about this, it is that you did it and don’t want to cover it up.
Trust. This has been on my mind a lot lately. I think you hit on something here, DnJ. There are so many things that H covered up, I don’t want to do what was so hurtful to me. I’ve been thinking a lot about how I would ever be able to trust H again. I would love to hear how reconciled people work through this. I guess the answer is if we got to a place where we decided to reconcile, I may never fully trust again, but perhaps I could still have a satisfying, joyful life anyway. Maybe not.
In any event, it’s not an answer I need today, or next week, or even next month.
