Searching for calm with shelter-in-place roommate

[Believe6]

Hey Cardinal- I hope you are well. It is a special time of year at least for me. I know it's hard to live with someone who you knew better than you knew yourself and now they are a total stranger. The thing I realized too is that my H is a stranger to himself too.

I know he is. When I stop looking at him wanting to see the man I knew, I see the one he is now and the pain in his eyes is debilitating. He is so lost. Even when he is withdrawn, angry, resentful (hasn't been like that in a while as we don't talk enough for me to see that), I can see how very hurt and tortured he is.

Seeing that, knowing that his pain is at least as deep as mine, and maybe even worse because at least I can acknowledge where it is stemming from and what I need to do to address me and heal me... but he really can't. He is so very lost so very confused about how to even begin. When we tried to share his pain in MC, he couldn't really articulate it. He is avoidant so his pain will go on and on even possibly longer than it should because he can't address it.

All they are trying to do to avoid the pain will be useless. Because the pain is internal, in their mind and their soul. So until they know this and are willing to look inside versus outside (i.e. OW, drugs, friends, etc), they will be tortured and lost.

I hate that we are all suffering and going through this. I hate that so many of us are broken. But I also know we can be reborn, remade into something better. Something new. Something so strong that nothing will ever threaten us again. I am praying that for you and for all of us.

Until then, take care of kitty. Take care of you. Let H do what he does. Let him go and embrace YOU.

Blessings!